A Tale from Thelua
by treacher
Summary: Because marriage was not always based on love and happiness was a luxurious thing that not everyone can have. When they vowed, there was no love and happiness. But, they could learn, and slowly, they understood. —You see, it's just a simple castle romance.
1. Chapter 1

_She came in wearing unusual clothes; her country's clothes. She greeted the Sun God with unusual golden ornaments on her head; a symbol that showed who she was. She shifted from standing to bowing deeply; a gesture of showing respect. She made the slightest noise with her bare feet as she walked. She had the air of serenity, graceful movement, and a noble profile._

 _She was perfect._

 _And then, I thought; wouldn't it be better if we met sooner in our lives?_

* * *

 **A Tale from Thelua**

 _[1] sunny day in Thelua_

* * *

Lucy concealed her sigh with a swift movement of yawning, which was covered with her hand, momentarily ignoring the fact that she should be behaving properly. The action had her noticed by the maids and they hurriedly exited the room along with the fabrics and jewelry. Wendy gave her a frown, in which she returned with an open sigh. "The weather is good," she said, looking out the window. "I wish I could explore the garden."

Wendy kept her frown directed to her soon-to-be sister in-law. She knew it was not an excuse. Wendy replied then, "It's more favourable to be out in the sun rather than cooped up in this room to choose fabrics. God knows whatever suits you very well, sis."

They both laughed because it was true; both the first and the second statement.

"I want to go and see the city. I heard there is a bazaar in the north," Lucy said.

"Me too."

"Can't we sneak out of here?"

"It's very risky…"

"Okay."

"Okay?"

Lucy turned around. "It would be troublesome if there's any rumour right before I get married, right?" She smiled, but there was something in her eyes that refused to glimmer in mischief. Wendy noticed that. It was hard not to. But she said nothing about it.

Instead, she studied the older female. Her dark eyes were fixed on the sight of small houses with orange roof in afar. There was nothing else to see, really. The nearest farmer's house was half an hour away. Beyond the castle was green prairie with some trees and a road perfectly fitted for carriages. Below was a garden with few flowers. They were all spring flowers with vibrant colour, but all too unfamiliar in Lucy's eyes. It showed in her eyes. The confusion.

"It's different, isn't it?" Wendy asked.

"It is. I can barely name the flowers."

"Don't you worry, sis?" Wendy asked, almost whispering.

"About what?"

"Your marriage, of course!"

"I have seen his face, Wendy."

"You can never trust portrait, sis."

"Wendy, my fiancé is no other than your own older brother," Lucy said. "Have a faith in your own big brother, would you?" She smiled openly, almost laughing. Wendy hated it. She hated it when she smiled like that.

Wendy hugged her. "I'm sorry, sis," she said.

"Don't be, Wendy."

Wendy loved it when the older female played with her hair when she hugged her. It was the first hug she had after returning to Thelua. She had hugged Lucy countless times back in Feliose, but nothing felt like this back then. Lucy's hug had always been warm and comforting, especially when thunderstorm was frequent, and nights became a very long one. Lucy's hugs tasted like her homeland.

Like Feliose.

But now that they have moved to Thelua, Wendy could feel another taste. Loneliness. She hated the taste, moreover when she realized what was the reason that made Lucy felt that way. Her eyes were burning, and it became blurry in no time. _Oh, who am I to cry?_

"The maids must have been waiting," Lucy said. "Shall we continue?"

Lucy was smiling as she gently cupped her face. She was ashamed of herself; of crying. But how come her dear sister still have the strength to smile? It wasn't as if she chose it herself, Wendy knew it. The decision was made and proposed by the king of Feliose with the agreement of the king of Thelua.

 _Sis doesn't have any choice but to obey it._

With the knock on the door and her sister's calm voice rang throughout the room, the maids came pouring in and Wendy braced herself to assist her sister. Her sister might not catch it, and neither did the maids, but Wendy caught a glimpse of a standing figure behind the door, giving her a small smile before the door closed with the barest sound.

She decided not to tell her sister anything about it.

* * *

 _this fanfiction is based on manhwa 'Pellua Iyagi'_


	2. Chapter 2

_I used to run past the road, paper lantern in hand, body clad in white robe with pattern of soaring crane. Air puffs escaped my lips and cobble stone felt freezing against my bare feet. The sound of water drops became clearer, grew nearer, and I made a sharp turn around the corner. There was something I couldn't miss, and that was something worth the risk of being punished._

 _A small puddle of water was formed inside a wide leaf. It was crystal clear, and with each ripple, a picture was formed slowly. And by the thirteenth ripple, the picture became visible, showing the holder of half of my life._

 _It was stupid, but I fell in love with his smile._

* * *

 **A Tale from Thelua**

[2] _obligated_

* * *

"Is it love?"

Lucy's eyes swept to the girl hidden behind the blanket, holding a stuffed blue dragon pressed against her cheek, with eyes shut as if sleeping. She pulled her eyes back to the embroidery, making sure she stitched them right and answering her question with silence. Wendy's eyes cracked open and she knitted her eyebrows at Lucy's direction, obviously showing her displeasure from the lack of reply.

"Or is it obligation?"

Lucy's eyes swept back to the girl once again, a little bit faster than how her brain worked to think of any appropriate answer. Wendy was, as usual, expecting an answer and she knew how stubborn the girl could be. Her stitches continued without her looking. Maybe her hand was off on its own creating some pattern she had long thought but never realized. Maybe she was creating a mess that would make it ended up in a pile of trash. She exhaled quietly, feeling the cold wind brushed past the slightly opened window. It carried the distinct scent of wildflowers and night. The night in Thelua was different from Feliose, indeed.

"Sis?"

Wendy was stubborn if she was worrying over something. Sometimes in the past, Lucy told her that she felt like a mother hen worrying over its chicks.

"Neither," she said. She didn't even know the answer herself. She never thought something such as that before. She didn't have the time to think about it, nor did she have the energy. "Or maybe both," she said again. Wendy gave her a frown and Lucy smiled. "I wonder which."

Love was a word just too strong to describe how she felt and obligation was too weak. There was something more than just 'obligation' and something less than 'love'. Something in between. Something vague and uncertain, but existed nevertheless.

Lucy threw her gaze to the crescent moon and it stared back at her coldly. Had it been one week already since she came here? One week since she gave her farewell to Feliose? One week since Thelua accepted her?

Tomorrow. Tomorrow would be the day. A big day. Maybe that's why she couldn't sleep. Maybe that's why Wendy became restless and asked such question. Maybe because tomorrow was the day where she finally wore the gown with fabric she had chosen with Wendy on the very first day she arrived in Thelua. Maybe that's why she was doing embroidery.

Tomorrow was the day where she would exchange vows. To be together with him, through the happiness and sadness, until the end of their lives.

Lucy glanced at Wendy, already asleep with stuffed dragon beside her. Wendy was a worrier and was mature for her age. Indeed, she was no other than the sister of her fiancé, but the fact that Wendy spent her childhood with her more than with her own brother was confusing her. She even lived in Feliose with her for almost seven years.

 _Why?_

Lucy remembered well how the situation between the two countries was. It wasn't in the best condition; it was far from peace, but it wasn't a war either. Territorial dispute was common for Feliose and Thelua since both country was small. No agreement set in a stone for the matter of territory which made it harder not to start conflict. And in the middle of the conflict, Wendy arrived in Feliose.

A shy girl with no one coming with her, with just a few bags containing her needs. A bashful girl who apologized more than necessary. A little girl who stuttered whenever she talked to her.

The king never said anything about her, but it only took Lucy a couple of weeks to discover who she really was. Princess Wendy Dragneel, second in-line to the throne of Thelua. Of course, she would always deny her title and saying that she had no interest in becoming the queen.

 _"Brother excels in politics and other studies. It's wiser for me to be brother's support rather than being his rival."_

Wendy always said that and _"I want to be a doctor someday, that's why I came here"_ whenever Lucy asked about her reasoning to come to Feliose. While she didn't know about Thelua, she could tell that Feliose had richer plant diversity. The girl was smart and patient. Lucy was glad that the kingdom's doctor, a woman called Porlyusica, agreed on having Wendy under her wings.

Although ever since they made it in Thelua, Wendy had been feeling down. She also openly showed her disapproval on tomorrow's event. Wendy didn't want her marrying her brother and unlike what Lucy thought of it as a simple over-protectiveness between siblings, Wendy, in reality, had sworn that it wasn't the case.

 _"He doesn't deserve sis!"_

Lucy wished that was the case. In all honesty, between love and obligation, she could positively choose obligation. But she didn't want to think much about it – she has had enough of thinking of it – and there existed something called rational cause. Because the peace was more important than her personal feelings. Because the people of Feliose was her priority as the princess. Because love could eventually grow and if it didn't, well, she had to make sure that it _would._

Prince Natsu Dragneel of Thelua had a handsome face. He had the title, power, and his country was prosperous. Marrying him was just a strategy of hers to secure the peace between the two countries. Marrying him was just a strategy of the king to gain technology that Feliose didn't have. Marrying him was just a fact, a must; an obligation.

Because she simply had no other choice.


	3. Chapter 3

_I always thought that happiness came in the form of a girl with silver hair and blue eyes._

 _It was just a stupid wish, but I held strongly onto that wish and I was too young and too stubborn. I thought that because I was a prince, then everything would be alright. I thought that because I've known her since we were children, then nothing would oppose the idea._

 _My naïve side grew attached to such childish dream and before I knew it, fate began playing its hand._

* * *

 **A Tale from Thelua**

[3] _something that matters_

* * *

For such a renowned person in the kingdom, his marriage was held differently from how he imagined in his childhood. Not that it bothered him. He just realized how thoughtful his fiancée was.

It wasn't the decoration or the food, nor was it the guests. It just that his marriage wasn't held privately. It was impossible to do that even if he wished so. The union between the two who represented two different countries wasn't something to be expected in the first place. So, when it occurred, he knew he had to go with the flow.

A marriage in early spring. Many said it brought happiness and virtue. Many said it was in the favour of the Sun God. Many said spring was the season of slow romance and happiness; a perfect season to start a relationship and discover each other.

To him, none of those mattered.

 _"But, Natsu, a marriage is meaningless when you marry someone you don't love."_

"You'll come to like her," Gray said suddenly. "She's more beautiful than the portrait showed."

Natsu shrugged. "It's not about the look."

"I heard she is wise."

"Wisdom comes from experience and vast knowledge, not exactly from something you read and remember. She's not even older than me."

His knight sighed. "You know well this is not something you can call off."

"I'm not trying to do that," he murmured. "Not like I can do that."

"You did that, and God knows what will happen to this country," Gray mocked.

Of course. It was, after all, a marriage to secure the peace. Feliose and Thelua could never become one. This was an attempt to merge it. To, at least, brought the two countries into a long peaceful state. He knew well how heavy the responsibility was. He couldn't afford of being selfish. After all, it was his duty.

Gray looked at the sky. "My lord, it's time."

Natsu glanced to the sky, noticing the appearance of moon in the daytime before exiting the room he rested in and meeting his bride at the end of the staircase. The loud cheer could be heard when they stood across each other, as well as the song playing in the background. He didn't know that his marriage would be this merry. Because all this time, he would think of having his marriage held privately, quietly, somewhere with less crowds and subtler.

He bowed, and she curtsied. They stared at each other silently before he offered his hand and she grabbed his. Together, they descended the stairs and walked into the path of showering rose petals and serene prayers.

Her profile showed nothing. Only the thinnest smile while her eyes pronounced something of the opposite. Natsu wondered if he had the same expression as the one she had. His thought distracted him from the sermon read by the priest; that one thought of two boys playing knights and a girl with short silver hair and sapphire eyes who was busy making a garland.

 _"But if we married, we would be the happiest couple, Natsu. A perfect one."_

Natsu didn't hear the cue of kissing the hand of his bride, but he managed. When he was back from his reverie, his field of view was full of the sight of a slender neck and golden locks that caressed his cheek. Something soft was pressed to his temple and all went still for a moment. _Ah, it's almost the end of the ceremony._

His hand was linked with his bride's, golden rings touching, and he bend on his knees followed by her. A small, thin smile was directed at him, coming from his bride whose eyes crying silently before it disappeared behind the pale lids. The priest showered them with flower petals; a sign that marked the end of the ceremony.

He closed the space between them, his nose gently touching hers.

He thought, then, as they kissed; even if his heart didn't tremble when they linked hands, even if the heaven didn't open its door when his lips touched hers, if it was this woman who walked along the aisle together with him shared the same destiny, then nothing mattered.

Some years ago, somewhere in spring, he dreamt of taking the hand of this silver haired girl and led her way through the aisle. Some years ago, he believed that they would be the happiest couple. Some years ago, he swore he wouldn't give his life to anyone beside her.

Now, none of those mattered anymore.


	4. Chapter 4

_Sister Lucy didn't like it when it came to dancing. Because the dance was different from the dance she had learned before, the dance originated from Feliose. No, she didn't like it in the slightest. The dance from Thelua lacked grace, so would she say, and too much variation. She never showed it; the displeasure. I knew she was respecting the teacher who came from Thelua just to teach her the dance._

 _I never said it to her, but I like it when she danced. Both Feliose and Thelua dance. I think she had more grace than the teacher. Sister Lucy was good at memorizing the steps and the basic moves was done in two days. The variations were done in five days. It was exactly one week that the teacher stayed in Feliose._

 _I never heard any compliments coming from the teacher, though._

 _Maybe Sister Lucy was just enduring it all._

* * *

 **A Tale from Thelua**

[4] _embarrassment_

* * *

The night the wedding ceremony ended, Lucy had to sleep with him. The priest who blessed the bedroom and the witness were already left. It felt weird, the shift from being in an open room with crowds to a quiet, closed space of bedroom. Both were still sitting on the bed and she was waiting for him to move first. She knew he wouldn't be touching her. And neither would she.

Lucy glanced to the window and saw moon peered in the sky. It was cold, the spring night was windy and even if the window was shut, she still felt cold. Maybe she was tired from today's ceremony. Maybe she was tired of putting up the façade.

In the end, she was the one who made the first move. The pillow was soft beneath her head. Soft and pleasantly cool. When she closed her eyes, she could hear rustle coming from beside her. When her mind was drifting, she felt thick clothes over her. When she opened her eyes, she came to see an arm over her and when the arm withdrew, she came eye to eye with him.

The light had been turned off, but she could still see the line of his face. He was staring back at her impassively. She found herself smiling a little. "Lucy Dragneel," she said.

The man blinked and took her stretched hand in his, kissing the back of her small hand. "Natsu Dragneel," he said. He leaned into the bed and slept on his side. They shared the blanket and it was warm. Lucy found herself studying her hand, the place where he had placed his lips on. _I hope I don't have to dance tomorrow._

The night quickly changed into dawn and Lucy woke up with the empty spot beside her. He wasn't there, and the bedding was cold. She studied the scenery through the window. The sun had barely rose high. Did he, perhaps, woke in the middle of the night and return to his room? Lucy was aware of the true nature of this marriage, but did he had to openly show her his distaste?

The door was knocked, and several maids entered the room carrying clothes and jewellery. She was glad that she managed to wake up on her own. At least the maids wouldn't have to see her sleeping face.

"My lady, the bath is ready," said one of the maid.

Maybe she had to try to accustom herself with this pattern of waking up, bathing, getting dressed; all with the help of three maids. And maybe she had to remember the kinds of perfume used in the water, so she could tell the maids beforehand. Rose never appealed her nose, but she doubted they had green tea in Thelua.

When she was all dressed, Natsu came in with a man whose hair had the colour of cobalt. He had a sword on his left, dressed like a knight, but she didn't once saw him since her arrival one week ago. He must be Natsu's private knight.

"I'll wait outside," the knight said to Natsu and left with the three maids following suit.

The door was shut lightly, and Lucy opted to study the hair arranged by the maid in the mirror. She glanced briefly to the left side of the mirror and saw the reflection of him still standing, looking at anything but her. That didn't upset her, no, but it itched her that he made no pleasantries to break the silent.

She didn't like to make assumption, but almost five minutes passed and all he did was shifting from standing to leaning to the door. _Okay, maybe he is not the type who talk much_. Lucy slipped into her shoes and stood. She walked towards him and stopped several steps away from him and greeted him.

"Good morning," she greeted.

"Good morning," he replied, "Lucy."

She smiled, not because he replied her greeting, but because he could address her name casually. That meant he didn't have any problem with talking. He would be the next ruler, after all. There bound to be charisma dwelling somewhere in him and she was prepared to force it out in case he was just how she expected him to be.

"Those shoes," Natsu suddenly said, "is impractical for dancing."

Lucy studied her shoes that the maids prepared for her. The heels were too high and thin. She never wore one with such heels back in Feliose, but she guessed the ladies in Thelua loved being tall. She knew if she forced it she might end up embarrassing herself.

"Of course. But I suppose it's better than dancing with bare feet."

Natsu offered his hand and Lucy couldn't help but questioning the gesture silently. "Shall we practice?"

That made Lucy smiled. "Very well."

She took his hand and they moved to the centre of the room. He bowed, and she curtsied. They danced the basic move. Lucy knew it, even before he told her. They _would_ also dance the basic one for the next two days. The celebration lasted for five days, in which she had to lead the dance for three days.

His offer wasn't ill-intended, but there was something bitter behind it. Maybe it was because she was over-thinking the state when she woke up this morning; she didn't dare to ask him why. Yet. Maybe it was because she had to endure the five days of celebration. Maybe it was finally sunk in her head that she was representing two countries, hence she ought to be perfect.

Lucy didn't have anything against being perfect. She was supposed to be the luckiest girl of all.

In such society, where one might marry someone ten years older, she managed to marry one whose age is just a few years older than her. She was born in a loving family, educated properly, and loved by her people. It wasn't wrong to think that she was a girl who born with all. Of course, that was what the people see and what she was supposed to show.

If only, she thought, if only by dancing she could show how perfect she was, then she was fine of having blisters on her foot. She just prayed to the Moon God that she managed to dance without having her shoes slipping or broken.

"Natsu, did you return to your room last night?" She found herself blurting out the question.

Natsu gave her a sidelong glance. "I did," he said, and Lucy was unable to decide whether she should be insulted and mad because last night was supposed to be their first marriage night, even if all they do was sleeping, or be thankful because sometime she moved around as she slept.

"You kicked me out of bed," Natsu murmured. "Several times."


	5. Chapter 5

_Being beautiful wasn't my choice. Men swooned at my glance, and bowed in my presence. Wendy said it was the privilege of being beautiful. I thought it was all because of my title, but Wendy said even a woman had no title, if she was beautiful, then that was all she needed._

 _Being a princess was my destiny. I was born in Feliose, my father was the king, and my late mother was the queen. I had no sibling. Thus, every moment, I worry about being the successor of my father. Thus, I studied diligently. Wendy said that men disliked smart woman. But for me, my people were all I think. I didn't need anything more than the happiness of my country and its people._

 _But, then, Wendy said to me, "There is just one other thing that every woman wants, sister. Something that even a beautiful woman and a smart woman want it, too."_

 _"It can't be created by oneself, nor can it be stolen from another."_

 _When I asked her what was it, Wendy only smiled at me and told me to figure it out myself._

* * *

 **A Tale from Thelua**

[5] _faithful_

* * *

Lucy threw her gaze somewhere else when her eyes met Natsu's as they danced. She was still unable to shake the thought of her kicked someone in her sleep. Usually, and mostly, she slept like a log. So, to think that she moved around as she slept last night, even reaching a point where she kicked him, must be caused by something. Like nervousness, for example, or anxiety.

Of course, she couldn't say such thing to him as an excuse. She didn't get the chance because she spent a good twenty minutes hiding inside the blanket and hoping if there was any hole she could crawl in to hide even more. If only, _if only_ , she wasn't the guest of honor, then she had already skipped the celebration party to stay in her room or seek Wendy for comfort.

Speaking of Wendy, she had yet to see her today. Or at least not from where she was.

"Miss Lucy, congratulation on your wedding," said a lady – Marchioness Anna – as she danced past her. "I can already feel the eyes of jealousy aimed towards you from the other ladies, but fear not."

Indeed, it wasn't as if she wasn't feeling it – the sharp stare of envy from a group of ladies – because she simply ignored it. The ladies could gossip for all they wanted, but she had to make sure that she played the role as a happy bride perfectly. She knew she had to greet them properly after the dance ended.

"My lord, you should be happy," said Marchioness Anna as she danced with Natsu. "Your bride has gained more popularity as she is beautiful. I heard she has several fans already, coming from the knights of Thelua."

"Well, of course," added Marques Dion, who danced with Lucy. "What kind of gentleman would not notice a blossoming flower? Prince Natsu is very lucky, for his knights are becoming more loyal."

Being beautiful had its own privilege, as told by Wendy, and she would be lying if she didn't care about looks. Natsu was handsome, even more handsome than the portrait had shown her. But that wasn't all about it. Even if he wasn't handsome, she would still have to marry him. Because Natsu was the prince of Thelua and she was the princess of Feliose. However much she wanted, Lucy knew she couldn't change the fact that this was a political marriage. Happiness almost sounded like a faraway dream, but not something impossible.

Perhaps, aside having its own privilege, being beautiful could bring one or two troubles. Like now, for example, she had to accept a dance request that came from the prince of Pemberna. While it was not polite to refuse such an innocent request, she was more concerned about her feet. Her feet, and the chance of embarrassing herself by tripping.

And then, there was also this rumor about the prince of Pemberna pursuing her. She didn't know if Natsu knew about this rumor, but she would be adding fuel into the fire if she accepted the request. On the other hand, she knew another rumor would arise if she refused him. Her only hope was Natsu.

But the music started as she found herself escorted back into the line. Natsu was nowhere to be found. The eyes of the guest were all on her. _Focus, smile, dance._

Her left hand was linked with the prince, who gave her a bright smile. Unfortunately for him, she spared him no glance as she concentrated with the dance steps. One step forward, two steps backwards, one step forward, one step backward, and turn. Only when her hand squeezed, then, she glanced at him. She flashed a polite smile to the prince before glancing back to the crowds. The eyes of the guest were still upon her. The group of ladies stole glances at her. It wasn't surprising if she woke up tomorrow to hear another rumor about her and the prince. _However, it's not my fault if Natsu's affected by the rumor_.

The time passed as a blur when she danced and now Lucy found herself sitting beneath an arch with flowering wisteria. Her shoes were left somewhere in the corridor before she made her turn to the garden. No one would see it. No one would come here. She was finally left alone with her sore feet and rumbling stomach.

The music played gently in the distance and she was glad that she managed to escape from the prince. She should grab something as she made her run, but God knew how tortured her feet were as the prince never once did letting her hand go and they kept dancing for two more rounds. At this point, she didn't care if another rumor would spread, but, then again, she should have refused it in the first place.

The rumor, as far as she concerned, was true. But now that she was married, she thought that he would recede. Things could get serious, and as much as she didn't want to concern herself with it, she knew things could become sour between Thelua and Pemberna if this continued. Even if the two countries had countless cooperated business, if the prince was on the move, then it all could become meaningless. Natsu should be aware of it.

"Is it alright for the guest of honor to leave the party?"

Lucy tore her gaze from her feet to a man standing in the entranceway, holding a pair of heeled shoes. The man approached her, placing the shoes next to her feet and sat on the ground while leaning into the empty spot of marble bench next to her. He stared at her, then, resting a hand on the bench and propping his chin on it. His face was impassive, just like how he stared at her last night, just as how he kissed her hand last night.

"I could say the same to you," she said. Lucy would have smirking if she wasn't completely exhausted. "Natsu, I don't really like parties."

"Neither do I," he sighed. "Though, you seem like having a good time with your dance partner."

"Jealous?"

"No," Natsu replied. "Rather, I should be thanking him for keeping my wife entertained."

"Of course. Your wife here has the talent of keeping up the good attitude, after all."

"Why?"

"Because, my lord, there are people who might use me to start rumors about you, and the ladies are not going to pass the chance to get closer to you once we look like estranged."

"I can't take any concubine, then?"

"As long as she's not prettier than me."

She heard him laughing. "You do value looks."

"A beautiful woman has her own privilege, Natsu. Naturally, I don't want her to be more special than me."

"Noted," he replied absently. His finger touched her long hair, playing with it, and tucked a flower there. "What?" he asked, glancing at her when she touched his hand. The golden ring glistened as the sunlight fell on it and Lucy gazed at the ring on their finger for a long time.

"I regard our marriage as a good fortune, so," she murmured, "I will be faithful to you."

 _I will be faithful._


	6. Chapter 6

_Once, I saw her standing by the window, gazing at the night sky and the lone moon. I never said it, but she was beautiful. She had a beautiful smile whenever our eyes met, she carried herself with elegant manner, she spoke carefully and laughed politely. She was perfect._

 _I saw her resting her head to the window and closed her eyes. I never said it, but sometimes her eyes were crying, and her smile was sad. Sometimes, I found myself wondering; what kind of grief was behind those gentle expressions? What was it that she needed?_

 _And then, I thought of her words from days ago._

 _Every time I remembered it, I felt like she vowed to me. Ah, was it all about our marriage? Was it all about our fate? I, too, even if it was left unsaid, will be faithful to you._

 _To you, and only you._

* * *

 **A Tale from Thelua**

[6] _perfect_

* * *

Natsu managed to return to his usual hiding post behind the tapestries after a round of dance and rested his legs on a sofa that his knight had dragged from somewhere. It was the night of the last celebration day and he was already impatient for the guest to retire. Gray was already waiting for him; leaning into the wall, studying the crowds through the tapestries, while Natsu closed his eyes and sighed.

"It looks like your wife is the center of attention again, Natsu," said Gray. "I hope you won't be mad about it, but some of your knights already devoted themselves to her."

"I've heard about it. Well, they should be prepared for the sword drill with me next week."

"Feeling possessive, aren't you?" Gray laughed. "Speaking about possessive, you might want to watch out for Pemberna's prince."

Natsu opened his eyes and scanned the crowds upon hearing the name. "What about him?"

"It does seem like he still has his eyes set on the mistress," he glanced at Natsu, "just like the rumor says."

To that, he found himself muttering, "Rumor, huh?"

Rumor was something he preferred not to hear because, mostly, it was full of misleading information and irrelevant to his duty. But when it served with fact, he knew he couldn't be careless about it. And this one regarding his wife was one that could be one step away from turning into a fact.

"If you have your eyes on him, he has been dancing with her every chance possible."

Natsu opted to rest his eyes again. "If she is aware about it, she knows what she has to do."

He could hear Gray shook his head. "You should do something about it, my lord. A fine woman like her wouldn't dare to refuse any dancing offer, lest she drags you down if it creates rumor and spread," he said. "You are lucky she is very considerate of your status."

Lucky. In the past five days, he had heard more of that word than before. She was beautiful, so he was lucky to be able to marry her. She was smart, so he was lucky to marry a smart woman. He never once denied it, no. But it wasn't correct to direct the word to him.

In all honesty, he thought that she was the lucky one. Born into a good family with the highest title in the country, had a fine look that made half of his knight devoted themselves to her, able to speak fluently regarding political matters. Lucy was the lucky one. A perfect woman, who had the ladies burning with jealousy.

And, luck or not, he would still be married to her even if she wasn't beautiful or smart. Simply because she was the princess of Feliose.

He never did once visit Feliose, but he had heard about her some years ago. Her beauty was the first thing people would describe; long blonde hair with fair skin and the eyes with the color of melted chocolate. He didn't care about it; no, not at all. The fact that she was attending the meeting regarding the dispute between their country was what made him remember her.

A woman, younger than him, was attending the meeting as the delegate from her country. Even Makarov, the king's advisor, was amazed with her talent of speaking politics and dealing it with calm manner. She was no ordinary woman.

"My lord, she is coming here."

Natsu opened his eyes and saw her pushing the tapestries away with blank eyes and lips pursed. From the way she stood, he knew she had no energy left after all the dancing she did. She made her seat next to him, and deliberately stretched in front of him before sighing heavily. He signalled Gray to cover them.

"I thought you like dancing," he said.

"No, I was just keeping up the appearance and being polite," she replied. "It's very fortunate that I didn't get blisters from all those dances with him."

"You really favored him as your dancing partner."

"I hope my lord didn't fail to see that I did this for your sake."

"I'm really honored, my lady."

"You should be."

He felt her head on his shoulder. "You should go and dance, Natsu," she spoke again. "The ladies are all having their jealousy needles piercing on my back, and I have a _hard_ time figuring why."

Natsu blinked at her sarcastic remark, then he peered at her whose eyes were closed and lips pursed. Her innocent act was dropped whenever she was with him. He wondered if she had a switch to turn her into the innocent mode. "Thank you, but I have to decline the offer."

He could feel her laugh; a soft tremble on his shoulder. "And I thought you like having all the attention on you," he added.

"Attention is good, but I feel tired afterwards."

"Of putting up the façade?"

"Of putting up the façade."

"Because you might drag me down if rumor spread?"

She smiled. "So, my lord does care about rumor."

"I don't," he said. "People tend to spread rumors because of their jealousy, and you fulfilled the very qualification of being the subject of one."

When she said nothing, Natsu continued. "After all, you are perfect," he murmured. "I am a good man, and you are a fine woman. You are beautiful and smart. We are married and become quite the noticeable pair. And then, years later, you will be the queen and will rule the country with me."

He gazed at the moon outside. The night looked the same as the one which he saw her in his wake. When he felt the steady breathing, his gaze fell to the sleeping woman leaning against him, and then, he whispered as a small smile cracked on her face.

"And we will live well."

* * *

 _thank you for your support!_


	7. Chapter 7

_Tomorrow will be the last day._

 _Once tomorrow's gone, and the sun once again rises in the morning the day after, I'm no longer the princess of Feliose. People will no longer think of me as a princess from a small country, but a future queen of a much larger country. Feliose will lost its princess. Feliose will lose the successor of the king. Then, what will become of what used to be my country? My father will not be able to rule for eternity. My mother has departed. I have no siblings and no one who comes from the branch family will be crowned as the next ruler._

 _My mind is screaming its anxiety at me, and all I can do here, now, is to gaze at the silent night. Ah, father, is this what you mean by responsibility?_

* * *

 **A Tale from Thelua**

[7] _love story_

* * *

"Dear, dear, my lady. Whatever shall I do to make you smile? Your eyes were once full of joy, now it withers as dying rose. Your touch was once full of warmth, now it freezes as winter breaths."

Lucy watched as Wendy read aloud a paragraph from the book she held. She had this frown and the color of her face was slowly turning into the one's of tomato. It was one morning after Lucy took her bath, one day after the celebration party ended, that Wendy showed up in her room and drove the maids away to dress her up. The girl had been missing her, but she didn't tell her why she never once showed at the party. And now, due to Lucy's empty schedule and pure boredom, Wendy decided to drag her to the library.

"I don't get it why you like this kind of book, sis," Wendy said as she closed the book with flushed face. "Back in Feliose, you are more into history and literature ones."

" _Estelle and Jules_ is just another form of literature, Wendy."

"But it's romance!"

"Because romance," Lucy put down the history book she currently read and reached over to the closed book, "is what makes it interesting. It has yet occurred to you, Wendy, that you find this book entertaining, in more than just a way."

"How come? Isn't the story of a couple of different social standing is sad?" Wendy fiddled with the hem of her dress. "Isn't it tragic that they can never be together?"

At this, Lucy smiled. Sometimes, Wendy could appear as someone older than her, and it was frequent up until now that Lucy forgot the age gap between them. While she was already eighteen, Wendy was still twelve. Being twelve meant the idea of _love_ was yet sunk deep in the head. Being twelve meant learning all necessary things to prepare the future, sans the area around intimate relationship and love.

Love, Lucy realized, was not something one learned from books. Poems and novels might express love a lot, but no one could learn from that. Poetries and stories were solely meant to be entertainments, after all. To learn something such as love from poetry and story meant to fantasize. Love couldn't be learnt formally either because it didn't have any standard for its nature of being abstract.

Twelve years old, yet, Wendy, Lucy decided, was mentally mature enough to touch the surface.

"It's love," Lucy replied. "Even if the pair is heading straight into a sad ending, it doesn't matter as long as they are in love. Also, isn't that the correct answer to your riddle, Wendy?"

"Which riddle, sis?"

"The one about something that even a beautiful woman and a smart woman wanted as well,"

"Wendy, don't you have a class with Mr. Allen this morning?" A voice called up from the door before Wendy could answer her. Someone was leaning against the doorway, wearing some clothes that Lucy had definitely never seen him in one.

"Brother Natsu!" Wendy gasped, and then, became horrified at the mention of Mr. Allen. "Oh my, I was supposed to attend supplementary history class today. Sister, I'm really sorry I can't accompany you today."

The girl quickly made her way out of the library, stopping for a moment only to thank her brother before running through the corridor. Lucy stared at how the man shook his head and made his way to her. As he grew closer, she studied his clothes in return. A mesh shirt, slightly dirtied on the sleeves, a pair of brown boots, and a sword on his left. His hair was slightly disarray, and he had the scent of sun sticking around him.

"Sword training?" Lucy deduced, and earned a nod from him.

"More like sparring," he slid into the seat across her. "They are starting to slack off."

"Who?"

"The knights."

Lucy's attention returned to the history book. "I think they are excellent."

She heard him sighing. "Apparently, they just have found the motivation to learn writing poetry instead of swinging swords," he said pointedly at her. "And now, I'm wondering in whose loyalty between us is more valuable in their eyes."

Lucy laughed, then, at his tired voice. "I've told you about the privilege of beautiful women, haven't I? This is one of those, I suppose."

When Natsu made no reply, Lucy fully had her mind focused on the book in hand. It was the brief history about Thelua; about the previous king and about how it separated itself from the country of Hunan. New information entered her head and she stumbled upon the old map showing the area of Thelua after its separation from Hunan. It occurred to her that almost half of the area that Feliose had today was once Thelua's. How come it became Feliose's, then?

She mentally took a note to go here again tomorrow and another reminder to bring paper and pen to write.

"Your touch was once full of warmth, now it freezes as winter breaths. If I could soar, I would reach to you. But you are so far away, my lady, so far away."

Her attention was brought back to the owner of the gentle voice who read the continuation of what Wendy read before. His eyes were engrossed in the words as he pronounced each syllable carefully.

"My lady, your smile is crying. Your heart is missing a piece. Your soul is desiring."

Lucy smiled as she thought of the last sentence that ended the last chapter of the first volume of _Estelle and Jules_. It was her favorite sentence.

"Ah, is it love?"

Natsu closed the book and sighed. "Wendy was right. How do you find entertainment in such tragic story?"

"The story is about Estelle, who is the daughter of a rich family of some dukedom, and Jules, who is the son of the nanny who takes care of Estelle, and they are in love with each other. It's a love that goes against the law, in which, just like the reality, the poor cannot marry the rich without so much as having a title. It's only the first volume, Natsu, so it's understandable that you think of it as a sad story," she explained. "And on the second volume, then, it is explained how Jules struggled to keep their love alive, until they can finally walk down the aisle."

"I thought you just found this book?"

"No, I've read them back in Feliose, but Wendy never once sees me reading it."

"So, it's not really a tragic love story, is it?"

"No. Even the authoress is not capable of writing one, I believe."

"Why not?"

"Because it is aimed at young ladies," Lucy stated, "and young ladies are all yearning for love."

"Including you?" He asked quietly.

Lucy smiled lightly. "Including me."

She returned to the history book as Natsu stood and walked to the bookcase. "Is love," Lucy heard him murmuring, "something that's really great?"

And she opted not to reply him, as she wasn't sure if that was him talking to himself or asking her. Love, she personally thought, was indeed something great. Love was expensive, something of luxury that not even a noble was guaranteed to have. But love was what every young lady yearned. Love was what every woman wanted. Even if it was tragic in the end. Foolish as it sounded, but it was just a fact that love brought happiness.

And happiness was just another thing that human wanted.

The history book of Thelua would be forgotten for minutes longer as her mind suddenly recounted what happened last night. Nothing bothered her, but she realized it just now that she didn't even remember how she ended up in her bed this morning. She remembered dancing with the prince of Pemberna for, she wasn't sure, three or four rounds before she finally managed to escape. She found out Natsu's hideout afterwards, and they talked. She wasn't expecting the talk, but amongst it, there was something that stuck somewhere in her head.

 _"After all, you're perfect."_

Perfect. Lucy kind of hate that word. _No one is perfect._

"I still remember our talk last night," she started. "Being a fine woman, beautiful, and smart doesn't make one perfect, Natsu."

Natsu looked up from the book he had picked while her mind was wandering. "And why is that?"

Lucy gave him a smile. "Being perfect is subjective," she replied, "and those aren't the exact composition of my kind of 'perfect'. I like to define 'perfect' as the state of being happy."

"Are you not happy?" His question came in a hesitated whisper.

"Are you?" She returned the question. "What's your definition of 'perfect', Natsu? Does your world still lack a piece?"

There was a pregnant pause, a silence that stretched far through the empty space of library floor and wall. Lucy wondered if he chose not to answer her, to ignore her ridiculous philosophical musing because he had his nose stuck into the book all the time they conversed.

"A woman I love."

She thought she heard something snapping somewhere distant. Turned out it was the history book that slipped past her hand and fell to the floor, creating echo noise at the same time of Natsu's answer in the softest whisper, like a puff of breath that silently dissipated in the thin air on a winter day. Her mind was processing things slower than usual, and the blink of her eyes made her sight blurry.

Natsu was standing still, head lifted from the book, and he stared at the air, mouth slightly ajar. Maybe something was projected there in his eyes, maybe he was remembering something of his past. And that something, Lucy was certain that she didn't want to know anything about it.

Her mind screamed at her to reply him, to say something, _anything_ , to him. Even a simple hum which indicated him that she heard his whisper would do. But her mouth was pursed, and her throat was heavy.

Between all the possible action she could make, Lucy cursed silently when her body finally moved, and her brain functioned normally.

She ran.


	8. Chapter 8

_"But if we married, we would be the happiest couple, Natsu. A perfect one."_

 _She'd said that, all smile and wishful. I thought her eyes held the most brilliant color as they twinkled, I thought her smile was beautiful and sincere. But there was melancholy in those blue eyes._

 _"If we married, people will care for our children," she'd said again, "and we will live well."_

 _She was whispering. Her voice was almost strained, as if she was praying, as if she was crying. Silver hair swept back, and I could see the faint trace of tears on her cheek. She cried easily. She'd always be the first one to cry. I couldn't say anything in this. Because God knew, and both of us knew, that it would stay as a wistful wish._

* * *

 **A Tale from Thelua**

[8] _honest feeling_

* * *

 _"A woman I love."_

He wasn't sure what made him say that. He wasn't even sure _who_ he meant by it. There was no one in his mind when he said that, but somehow, he said it. It came out as a whisper, as if he never thought of answering her question in the first place. There was a sound of something falling and he prayed that the noise covered his whisper. And then, he silently wondered; _who?_

When he heard a scraping noise and turned around, he saw her standing, and without as much as excusing herself, she made her way out of the library. He could only stare as the door opened and closed with the barest sound. Something told him that he needed to go after her because there was something wrong with her silence. _Ah, she heard it._

Thus, Natsu followed her after she left the library. She wasn't running, but her pace couldn't be considered as walking either. The corridor they went through was empty except for the sound of their shoes against the marble floor and the sound of rustling leaves blown by the wind. She didn't make any sign of acknowledging his presence, nor did she make any protest of being trailed by him.

He never tried to shorten the distance between them. He didn't try to call out to her either. He just let her show him the way and perhaps, then, she would talk to him. But then, he wondered; what kind of expression she was making right now? Was it impassive like the one she wore as she walked down the aisle with him? Or was it masked like how she gave the Pemberna's prince as they danced?

His wife was skilful when it came to pretend, to put up the good splendour. But around him, it was all crumbling. Never did she once smiled sweetly like the one she gave to the party guest or laugh politely when she was praised. Lucy, he realized, rarely smiled and laughed when he was around. The small smile she often gave him as she spoke philosophically didn't count. It didn't count because she looked far away when she did so.

As if she was going somewhere far away and not coming back.

When the figure before him halted, he, then, realized that they were back in the garden where he found her on the first day of the celebration party, sitting on the marble bench beneath the arch and barefoot. This time, she was, however, made no move to sit and kept her back facing him.

"Lucy," he called. "Look at me."

There was a frown and a pair of distressed eyes when she turned around. She refused to meet his gaze and her lips was shut tight. Something was off from her.

"What's wrong?"

She smiled. Natsu hated that smile. It was fake. "I'm thinking, Natsu," she said, "about your kind of 'perfect' you have in mind. And I think that I better off not knowing some things."

"I never said I want to be perfect."

Her smile faltered. "And neither do I. It's just what I pretend to be because of how they judged me. And I guess they got what they wanted."

"They?"

"The party guest, the ladies, the world." She sighed. "Sometimes I dreamed of being a commoner instead of a princess. I'll never accustomed to the responsibility."

Natsu was aware of what she was implying. He, too, once wished to be a commoner instead of a prince. He, too, felt like he could never accustom himself with the responsibility. But, of course, no one could change the fate. It was his fate that he was born as the prince and it was her fate that she was born as the princess. Their marriage, too, was just another fate that made them meet. But he never once regretted the decision.

"Did you regret this all?" he asked.

"No," her reply was quick, as if she read his mind to know what he was talking about. "I'm just wondering why don't you marry her."

"Her?"

"The woman you love."

He blinked. _Who?_

"You are jealous," he stated. The redness that slowly colored her face was just another proof. He smirked, then. "I can get used to this honesty. To what do I owe such jealousy from my wife?"

She sat on the bench and carefully smoothen the crease on her dress. Her long hair fell past her shoulder and Natsu couldn't help but wanting to touch them. Thus, he sat on the ground and leaned against the empty spot of the bench. His head rested on his propped hand while his free hand gently touching her hair. She had her hand rested on her lap and head tilted at his direction.

"And why would my lord think that I was jealous?"

His finger threaded through her hair. "Why, indeed?" He returned the question. "Why does my wife, who has unparalleled looks, be jealous? What kind of perfect woman can match her beauty, I wonder?"

"Oh, for God's sake," she sighed. "I'm afraid that my lord is becoming nonsensical the more I try to know him."

"Maybe I am nonsensical. Maybe I'm just deceiving you with my look."

She gasped. "Now I worry about the future of Thelua and Feliose. Is it too late to nullify this marriage?"

"Lucy, your sarcasm just gained a whole new level."

She laughed. She laughed openly for the first time. Natsu decided that he liked her laugh; like a soft tune of the windchime, like a calming lullaby in his childhood. "I hope you didn't regret marrying me, Natsu."

He gazed at the golden ring on his finger. "I did not."

"And whoever the woman is, she sure is lucky to be loved," her eyes met his, "by you."

And then, suddenly, everything made sense. The talk of romance novel was the subtle hint she laid. And then, the talk of being 'perfect'. She looked past all that she had because she was focusing on what she didn't have. Lucy wasn't jealous of the woman, whoever she was, really. Lucy was jealous of what she had.

Love.

Political marriage was a relationship based on mutual need. There was no room for such discussion regarding feelings of those involved. It wasn't included in the priority list. What important was the peaceful state between the two countries. Natsu understood it well. _But it doesn't necessarily mean that we can't love_.

All these times, he always seen her as a capable princess with a strong will. She was more mature than he had thought, and somewhere along that line, he forgot the fundamental thing about her. She was younger than him. She was the same as those 'young ladies' she mentioned before. Love was what she wanted.

"I have yet to capture the heart of my lord," she said after a long silence.

"I can give it to you." He could.

She laughed again. "A heart is something that needed to be win over, Natsu. And I know very well that men cannot easily forget their first love."

He sighed, "I swear my wife is the most handful woman I ever meet."

She smiled. He liked _this_ smile. "Don't you have more important task to do instead of sitting here?"

He smirked again. "I believe that attending my upset wife is more urgent than national matter."

"Flattery will get you nowhere, Natsu."

"Then, I believe action would."

He lifted himself from the ground, a hand tucked her hair behind her ears, and his onyx eyes met her brown ones. Her eyes asked a silent question. He wasn't sure if she would like the answer, but all he knew that he wanted this. Without so much as excusing himself, he kissed her cheek.


	9. Chapter 9

_When we kissed, I didn't think of how soft it was when our lips touched, or how warm his hand when our fingers interlaced, or how his nose gently bumped into mine. When we kissed, I thought of the time and counting how many more hours did I have to keep up the appearance. When we kissed, I thought of how those who watched us thought of our marriage. When we kissed, I asked myself; what did he have in mind right now?_

 _Wendy always told me about kissing the person I loved was important. She told me that a kiss wasn't just something I gave easily. It was kind of funny because it almost sounded like she knew it from experience. I told her, though, that I had to do it when marrying him. She got upset afterward._

 _When he kissed me on the cheek, I couldn't really say that I was caught off-guard. I didn't. I've heard that line countless times from men in Feliose, but I always avoided their kiss. I only let them kiss my hand. For courtesy._

 _When he kissed me on the cheek, I let him do that. I saw his smirk changed into a smile. And when he walked away after that, there was a lingering feeling on where his lips touched my cheek._

* * *

 **A Tale from Thelua**

[9] _talk_

* * *

Lucy woke up with the empty spot beside her. The bedding was cold as though no one ever slept on it. She was almost got used to this sight every morning. It was the sixth times; the sixth times since she was sleeping without her husband. She didn't know, once again, if she should be feeling insulted or not.

Part of her wanted to believe in the paperwork that constantly came. She was once handling paperwork, so, she knew how much trouble it was to go through them one by one. This part of her believed that her husband was simply buried beneath those papers. That way, she could convince herself not to barge into his study and take over his paperwork, and perhaps, if available, raided his bed and sleep there.

The other part of her that wanted to barge into his study, however, was more shocked to the discussion her three personal maids made about her as she bathed. About her sleeping alone, to be precise. While they adored her and took her side, she couldn't help but worrying if this little discussion would turn into another rumour about her. And the idea of meeting the ladies with piercing jealousy on another party was becoming more unbearable. They would think of them being estranged already and pursue him. And then, it would be _her_ part to clean things up.

 _He should have come at least once in every three nights._

Lucy let herself sunk in the tub before standing abruptly and sighed heavily. She unfolded the towel and wrapped herself with it. The topic of the three maids' conversation had changed, so, it was safe to walk out now.

"Ange, Agne, Millie, I want to wear the prettiest dress–"

She walked out to the presence of Natsu and his knight, Wendy, and the three maids that was receiving some kind of order from them. She blinked when she heard Wendy screaming and the three maids quickly shielding her and shoving her back into the bathroom. There was a grunt of pain that came from Natsu's knight and the sound of her door closed abruptly.

Today, it seemed, wasn't her lucky day.

After getting dressed, and got scolded by Wendy in the process, she walked out of the room to Natsu standing in front of the room. His knight was nowhere around him.

"If you're looking for Gray, he's currently off running several laps around the training ground," he spoke without her asking. "I can say you gave him quite the scar in his life."

Lucy pinched his arm as he offered his hand to her. "And whose fault was it to barge into a lady's room with no notice?"

"It's also my room."

"No if you don't bother to sleep in there for six nights in a row," she whispered harshly. "You got it, Natsu? Just come and sleep there once in three nights!"

Their little conversation was cut short as the carriage came and they entered it. "You have to blame the paperwork, then," he replied as he gazed at her. "With all those five days party, my workload has piled and I'm unable to finish it only in a few days."

Lucy hugged one of the pillow present and stared back at him. "You should have told me. I can help with it."

"I was going to ask you at first, but I'm afraid that my wife will belittle me and call me incapable."

"I'd rather call you incapable than having rumor featuring us being estranged right after our marriage."

He laughed. "My wife does care about rumor."

"I suppose it's not bad to have one of us care about such trivial matter," she sighed. "Both of us need to stir those kinds of rumour away, else, I will have the prince from Pemberna hot on my trail again and you will be constantly asked for a dance from the ladies before you can hide."

He didn't reply her, but she knew he heard it all. The carriage was slow, and Lucy fought the heavy temptation of sleeping. They were on their way to attend the invitation from the Redfox house, the Earl of Derner city whose wife had just giving birth to their first child. If the earl wasn't a good friend of Natsu, Lucy was sure he was going to pass the party. As for her, she was excited to be able to meet the earl's wife. Levy Redfox was the authoress of _Estelle and Jules_.

Lucy just had to get her sign.

Levy Redfox happily signed her copy, much to Lucy's delight. The lady was a petite woman with blue hair that her son inherited from. In contrast, her husband, Earl Gajeel, was a huge man with jet black hair and several piercings on his nose. He was almost intimidating if not for his wife's warm welcome.

They were currently sitting in a corner next to a window that overlooked a river. Levy was cradling her son and Lucy couldn't help but smiling at how happy the new mother was. Natsu and Gajeel was off somewhere, probably meeting the other lords. It was a good thing for Natsu, Lucy decided. The man certainly needed a push to make some social appearance.

"Lady Lucy, do you want to try hold him?" Levy asked as Lucy turned her gaze from the river to the woman across her.

"May I?" She asked, and then, gently receiving the sleeping baby. "Please call me Lucy. We are almost the same age, I believe."

"Then, you must call me Levy," the other woman grinned.

She never knew it would be that easy to befriend with her admired authoress. She never knew that she would be welcomed warmly here. She never knew that her marriage with Natsu was just something that was blessed by many according to Levy. Their marriage was the most anticipated event for people of Thelua, so, when it was done, many people wanted to know who their princess was.

They had just got married for two weeks, and people, according to Levy, was anticipating the announcement of their child. Lucy almost choked when she heard Levy said it. The other woman offered her a sympathetic smile.

"It's not impossible, Levy. But for the meantime, I don't think the idea has crossed Natsu's mind as well," she said. "I'm going slowly in this and I think he doesn't mind the pace."

"Of course. I was just teasing you, Lucy. You both started as stranger, it's only natural for you wanting to take things slowly."

"I'm still on the stage of capturing his heart," she joked. "And I think I'm asking the right person for love advice."

"Lucy, as far as I know, you are just every man's first love," Levy frowned. "It is either he is restraining himself or being utter dense as rock."

"I don't think he is restraining himself. I'm thinking of the existence of another woman."

Levy gasped. "You mean he cheated on you? How dare he!"

"No, not cheating," Lucy murmured. "Maybe, something like his first love."


	10. Chapter 10

_As far as I remember, I have never fallen in love. I don't have any first love, and I don't have time to daydream such thing. My childhood, mostly, filled with lectures and etiquette lessons on how to become a proper lady. In between those classes, I was reading. History, philosophy, economy, politics._

 _My first novel I read was 'Estelle and Jules' and it was a romance. I couldn't understand most of it back then. I had to re-read it several times before it finally sunk into my head. There was relationship, devotion, love. Love was a foreign term for me. I thought that whoever write this must have experienced love._

 _As I got older, the idea of love had yet crossed my mind. But, somehow, I yearned._

* * *

 **A Tale from Thelua**

[10] _favorite color_

* * *

There was an uncomfortable feeling came from the blue-haired authoress as Lucy came face to face with the duchess of Livre. She brushed it off, telling herself that she was imagining it. The duchess congratulated Levy and took a quick look at the baby in Lucy's arms. When their eyes met, Lucy gave her a polite smile which the other woman returned with one.

"Again, congratulation for your son, Lady Levy," the Duchess said. "And I believe it's my first time seeing the princess myself. You are more beautiful than the people say."

"Thank you so much for coming, Lady Lisanna," Levy replied her. "And yes, our princess is indeed very beautiful."

"I hope I don't become the topic of this party. I would feel bad if I did, Levy," Lucy said, and Levy laughed. "Ah, Lady Lisanna, I believe I didn't see you at the celebration party."

"I was feeling under the weather lately," the Duchess smiled. "Also, I couldn't find the invitation, so I sent you the present instead. I hope you like the present I gave you, princess."

Lucy immediately thought of the blue satin dress. "Of course. The dress is very beautiful. Even Natsu said so."

"Indeed. Blue is Natsu's favorite color, after all."

 _Hm?_

First name basis, Lucy noticed. Aside the king and queen, the people who called him by his first name was only herself, his personal knight, Gray, and the earl. Never had she heard back in the celebration party where he was addressed casually as such. It was either using the honorific of 'my lord' or using his title of prince.

 _Why?_

"Oh my, I always thought it was red," was Lucy's quick reply.

The duchess merely smiled and excused herself, and Lucy fought the stare coming from Levy. Her mind traced back to the day where she was opening the marriage presents with the help of Natsu. The present from the duchess came in the form of red present box with golden ribbon. When she saw it, she thought the dress was beautiful, but Natsu only glanced at it and made no comment at all. If not the dress, he was more focused to the congratulatory card that came with it.

Lisanna. Lisanna Beumann, the duchess of Livre. She was the current wife of the duke of Livre, Arsene Beumann. As far as her memory and the history of the Dragneel family served her, there was no one in the branch family who was named Lisanna. She wasn't mentioned in any other families either.

Lucy's mind raked every piece of information, but only had questions appeared in her mind. How did she know Natsu? Were they close? Close enough for her to tell his favorite color?

She didn't like how this would lead. But questions were popping into her mind and there was no way stopping it. It was impossible that Natsu not be acquainted with her as she was the duchess of Livre. She held the position of the closest and highest-ranking peers of the king, after all. Even for someone as socially insensitive as Natsu would have known her, politic-wise. But for her to know such personal preference, something completely unrelated to politics, was weird. The Natsu that she knew would rather watch the crowds of the party rather than conversing with anyone, much less to a woman.

Or was it just her?

"Lady Levy, I'm afraid that we have to return early."

It was Natsu's voice that broke her reverie as she turned and saw him standing by her seat. Beside him was the earl who looked annoyed. He sighed, then. "I'm sorry, Natsu."

This surprised Lucy. _What is the apologize for?_

"Oh my, I hope the party doesn't bore you," Levy frowned.

Lucy shook her head. "Of course not, Levy. Natsu has too much paperwork than he can handle. I'm sure he just wants to finish them by the end of this day."

"Then, I will write for you, Lucy."

She smiled. The idea of exchanging letter wasn't bad, and it didn't seem like her husband opposed to this. Levy hugged her before she went and whispered ' _he is upset_ ' which she returned with ' _I know, thank you, Levy_ '.

Natsu was upset. She could tell that much even if he put up the neutral expression. It became clearer as soon as they entered the carriage. He faced the window all the time, watching as the scenery passed without so much as glancing to her side. She wasn't sure if she wanted to know the reason, but it felt like it was something that couldn't be avoided. Something that she preferred to stay not knowing, but couldn't help knowing.

"It's not the paperwork, right?" she started. "Something is bothering you, Natsu."

He made a grunted noise. "It's nothing."

"Someone," she whispered. It felt like her voice was going to hurt him if she wasn't careful. "You are bothered by someone."

 _Who?_

When he didn't answer her, she continued. "I think we are thinking of the same person, Natsu. Here's the rule. If I guessed it right, then you will tell me about it. I'm not taking no for answer."

She studied his side profile. He had his eyes closed and lips shut tightly. There was a long silence before he finally nodded and opened his eyes. Something told her that he didn't want to talk about this subject. Something in his eyes expressed it. There was something akin to sadness instead of anger. Lucy knew she wouldn't like the story one bit. Thus, she prayed she got the wrong name.

"The duchess of Livre," her voice came in a small whisper, "Lisanna Beumann?"

When the pair of onyx eyes widened a bit, Lucy knew she got the correct name.

"Did Levy told you?" he asked.

"No. I met her when I was talking with Levy." He suddenly turned to her. "She told me something."

He paused. "What did she tell you?"

She smiled thinly. "I always thought your favorite color was red," she told him gently, "but apparently it was blue."

There was a small sigh came from him. Lucy didn't like how his expression told her. There was no smile, instead, there was a frown. But his eyes; it was smiling. It was as if he remembered something pleasant, something that only visible to his eyes.

She didn't like it.

"Who is she?"

"A childhood friend."

"She is?"

"Was."

And the conversation ended. She let out the breath she didn't know was held. It felt like she was anticipating something. He turned back to the window, looking at whatever the scenery outside the carriage provided him and Lucy was lost in her thought.

As the carriage stopped and they arrived back at the castle, neither of them talked about anything. He was back to his study and she was back to their room, changing her dress without the help of her maids. She wanted to be alone. She needed to be alone. To think.

And the room suddenly felt stifling. Suddenly, she didn't want to be in her room, or anywhere with many decorations and furniture. Somewhere. She needed to go somewhere with no people. Somewhere with open space so she could breathe easily. The watching tower on the west might be the best choice.

The top of the tower was barren, save it for several unlit torches and a wooden chair. It must be used by the knight on night duty to watch over the castle. The scenery before her was boring, but maybe it would be wonderful to see the stars once the night came. Lucy looked above her, to the sky and the drifting clouds. The blue sky and white clouds, however, reminded her to the duchess.

The duchess; she had a fair skin, a petite frame similar to Levy's, with short silvery hair and blue eyes. Blue, just like the sky. Blue, just like his favorite color.

 _Ah, I see._

It was now clicked. The pieces of the puzzle had come in fits. Childhood friends would know each other's favorite color. Red wasn't his favorite color. It was blue, just like the color of the sky. She had heard it before from Wendy, that he used to train swords with his childhood friends and wouldn't return from the training ground only to gaze at the sky and the drifting clouds. But Lisanna's eyes were also blue. So, between the sky and the eyes of his childhood friend, which he liked it better?

It was evident. From the way his eyes widened when she mentioned her name, from the way he frowned whilst his eyes pronounced the opposite, from the way he was upset at the party. To think again, there was melancholy in his voice, in the way he pronounced her relationship with him. When he did, it felt as though he was pronouncing another thing.

As much as Lucy hoped she never came to this stage, she couldn't undo or make herself forget it. And even if something stirred in her chest, she couldn't help but coming to the conclusion.

Lisanna was his first love.

 _And men don't forget easily of their first love._

* * *

 _thank you so much for your support!_

 _Taliatales, you guessed it right :D_


	11. Chapter 11

_Once, I asked father about mother. People often told me that I resembled her a lot. But I knew nothing about her. Thus, I braced myself and asked about her to father. Something trivial like what was her favorite color, her favorite flower, her favorite food. Father had this sad expression and I thought he was going to cry, but he continued._

 _I was naïve and foolish back then. I crossed the line. I asked the only thing that continued to swirl in my mind as I dreaded the answer. I thought he wasn't going to answer it._

 _"How did she die?"_

 _But he did. He answered it because he thought I had the right to know._

 _I learned, then, that sometimes, there were things I better off not knowing. Because it hurt less without knowing, because it would be better if I wasn't aware about it._

* * *

 **A Tale from Thelua**

[11] _truth_

* * *

That night, Natsu had yet to come to their room. It was already half past ten and if he didn't come, tonight would mark the seventh night. Lucy was sitting on the bed, already dressed in her white sleeping dress, and was ready to sleep. There was a little part of her that wanted to let it lie, but a bigger part of her was ready to march into his study and drag him back to their room.

The only thing that held her back from doing it was the lingering thought of a woman with particular blue eyes and silver hair. She had never encountered an upset Natsu before, and even if he was anything like his sister, she doubted she would be able to cheer him up. She even doubted herself for wanting to sleep with him in the same room. She didn't know what kind of expression she would make if she saw him.

When the door suddenly opened, Lucy jumped out of the bed in reflexive movement. It was him, dressed in white button up shirt and black trousers. He stared at her. His wide onyx eyes reminded her to the way it widened when she mentioned the name of his childhood friend. If he was surprised, then she was feeling more surprised than he did. She turned around and faced the window as the sound of the door being closed echo in the room. There was a rustling sound of the blanket and she almost jumped again when he spoke.

"What are you doing there?"

Lucy wasn't sure if she wanted to face him. She wasn't sure if she could bring her expression to the usual neutral one. She chose to stare at the reflection of her face in the window. "I didn't know that you'll be sleeping here tonight," she replied. She shifted her gaze to the reflection of the man who lied on the bed. "I'm not sure if I will be able to sleep."

"If you need a lullaby, I can't say I'm the right person that you're searching," the reflection showed how he shifted from lying on his back to facing her with head propped on his arm. "I've granted your wish. I thought I deserve some rewards?"

She saw his small smile. It was pretty contrast to the expression he had back in the afternoon. If her mind wasn't occupied with the thought of Lisanna, she would play along with his joke easily. But now, she couldn't even bring herself to smile. _How can he be so carefree?_

"I will sleep if you tell me a story," she said, still not turning to face him. "It's not difficult to tell a story or two, right?"

The smile was gone. It was replaced by an impassive straight line. "What story?"

"Why did it not work out?" Her reply came in a soft whisper after a pause, and she was afraid he wouldn't be able to hear it. "Between you and Lisanna?"

 _Ah, it rains._

The water drop flowed freely on the window as it became a downpour. Lucy cracked open the window, just for her hand to be able to stretch outside. The scent of the wet soil entered the room and she reached her hand outside. The water was cool against her hand, making her momentarily forget about the presence of the man in the room.

She wasn't sure if Natsu would answer her. And even if he did, she wasn't sure if she wanted to hear it. But she didn't like being left in the dark. Thus, when she heard his voice, she thought he would reject her.

"I've known her since we were five," he started. "She's the daughter of the nanny who took care of me. Her siblings were all older than her and weren't in the capital. My nanny often took Lisanna with her and we often played together. Gray had never been fond of her because he thought she stole me from him."

Lucy continued to play with the rain water. The trickling sound it made was distracting her of any unwanted thoughts. She wondered what kind of expression he had right now. She wondered what kind of expression she had right now.

"We grew up together. By the time we were eighteen, I proposed to her," he continued, and Lucy felt the time ticked slower as she waited for his next word, "and I was rejected."

The story ended. Even without him telling, she knew he was already finished the story. Lucy stared past the reflection on the window to the darkness of the night. Natsu was being honest. If she could say anything to his story, she would say it was almost the same as Estelle and Jules. It wasn't that great of a story than what she had expected.

 _A man of nobility and a woman of a mere commoner. What a cliché, common story._

Lucy thought silently as she watched the rain splashed against her hand, that Natsu was a pitiful man. To be separated from the woman he loved by the meanest excuse possible, to be married to the woman he didn't know of, to be unable to cut the ties between them for they had acquired the title that granted them to meet.

When a warmer, larger hand took her wet one out of the rain, Lucy almost let out a startled gasp at the sudden contact. He made no sound when he moved that she was completely surprised by his appearance behind her. He tugged her to turn and face him as he closed the window and gripped her hand. She realized, then, that she wasn't smiling nor frowning. There was a neutral expression, impassive and collected in her face, as if she wasn't affected by his story, as if his story was taken away by the wind, and out to the downpour. _If only that's true._

"Why would she reject you?" she found herself asking.

His gaze met her, and as he enveloped her cold hand in his, he replied. "The Duke of Livre proposed to her first and I was too late."

Too late. The two words rang in her ears and she wondered what he was thinking, what he was feeling right now. Was it regret? Sadness? Pain? How would it be if she didn't reject him? The question in her mind was endless, but she tried to be in his shoes. While Lucy was foreign to the feeling of rejection, there was an uncomfortable feeling creeping up slowly in her chest. She didn't brush it off as she needed to know it to understand him.

It hurt. Rejection hurt. She realized, then, as her eyes flew to meet his; Natsu must have had been brave.

Natsu had been brave, Lisanna was unfortunate, and Lucy was just lucky.

 _It was a chance that flew away, grasped by the lucky one, and neither Natsu nor Lisanna is lucky._

 _Why does it have to be me who grasp that chance?_

Her breath hitched. The coldness of her hand crept onto her arm. She asked, then, "What if he didn't propose to her?"

"Unlike the romance novel, I couldn't run from my responsibility as the prince." He referred to ' _Estelle and Jules_ ' and even if it wasn't like that in the novel, she understood what he implied by it. But she didn't like it. There was something in his quick answer, something that told her it was just as easy as it sounded. It was as if his decision didn't weigh him.

"But it doesn't matter anymore," he murmured silently.

Lucy watched as her hand engulfed by his. She had never known any man in her life. Her physical contact with the opposite gender was limited. Her father was the only one who ever hugged her and the kiss that she received was the one on her hand. She never tried to flatter men. She had no experience in interacting romantically with men. She knew nothing. Thus, she couldn't read Natsu.

 _Does it really not matter anymore? Is it easy to forget someone who used to be your first love?_

If that didn't matter anymore, then he shouldn't be upset back then. If that didn't matter anymore, then he should be able to face her evenly. If he could act all impassive around her, then why he lost his cool around Lisanna?

 _Would it be better if they are the lucky ones instead of me?_

"When we exchanged vows on that day, I've made another vow."

She blinked in confusion when she heard him saying that. He was referring to their marriage day. She knew as much as that, but she was completely at a loss on what he was trying to say. Did she miss something?

"I've sworn to myself," he continued, "that I will only love my wife."

A swear to oneself. She stared at him. The pool of onyx her gaze held showed nothing. His eyes were only as black as they were back when she first seen him. Nothing. Of all the time, why she couldn't read him when she needed to understand him?

She couldn't understand. Lisanna's rejection, the pain it inflicted, the other vow. If he could not forget her, if he was still hurting because of it, then why would he–

 _Oh._

A replacement.

It made sense. Suddenly, everything made sense to her. Men hardly forget their first love and that included Natsu. Natsu couldn't forget her even if he wanted to. There might be still a lingering feeling toward Lisanna, somewhere in his world. But he couldn't have her, so he chose Lucy instead. As his wife, as the replacement of Lisanna. Lucy was Lisanna in his eyes. It was as simple as that.

It was just a possibility, but it made sense. A small part of her wished that she was simply over thinking. A small part of her wished that she was just too confused and that she was making an unreasonable conclusion.

The truth. Lucy needed to hear the truth from him. The question was right on the edge of her tongue, waiting to be released, but there was a big lump on her throat. It frustrated her because she couldn't think of any other possibilities. She didn't like it because it felt like it _was_ the truth. She didn't like it because unbidden tears started to fall from her eyes and it made her look weak in front of him. But–

 _It hurts._


	12. Chapter 12

_I have never fallen in love._

 _But I know love will come to me slowly._

 _I know I have yet to fall in love._

 _But then, why this heart aches?_

* * *

 **A Tale from Thelua**

[12] _fall_

* * *

She was expressionless. Every blink of her eyes made tears running down her cheek, quickly descending to her jaw and fell into her nightgown. She felt the hand around her tightened and she held his gaze. There was something in those onyx eyes, something that was not there when they talked, something that stirred so suddenly when her teary eyes met his. There was a touch on her shoulder and suddenly she was pulled close to him.

Warmth enveloped her as a pair of strong arm enfolded her back and locked her in place. Her arms hung limp at her sides as her bare feet stumbled at the sudden pull. Her cheek pressed against a hard chest and she could hear the beating heart of his. There was a faint scent of cinnamon from him that she couldn't help but breathing it in. All went still for a moment. She could only hear the constant beating of his heart.

The arms on her back shifted and a hand made its way across her slender shoulder. She was pulled even closer to him, closer to his beating heart. Slowly, her hands reached into the hem of his white shirt before settling on grasping the fabric on his back.

"I'm sorry," the apology he whispered was muffled as he nuzzled against her shoulder. The grasp on his shirt grew tighter and something in her chest clenched in desperation. It hurt her when he did that, it hurt her at the fact that he knew she was hurting.

She bit her lower lips as to prevent the sobs breaking out, as tears were falling more freely and wet his shirt. His apology rang in her ears, his hug was warm, his heart was beating fast.

"Natsu," she called between choked sobs, "please, be honest with me."

She pushed him slowly and wiped her eyes. She couldn't manage to see him, not in this state. Thus, she hid her face behind her hands as she felt his hand on her forearm, keeping her within arm-reach. She looked at him through the gap of her fingers, caught a frown and knitted eyebrows that etched his face. He looked past her hand, straight into her eyes, and nodded.

"Lisanna," she started, her voice muffled, "you still love her, didn't you?"

There was a slight shift of his jaw clenching, the muscle of his neck contracting, and his lips trembling. For a moment, she thought he wanted to turn away from her. She would let him if it could make it easier for him, but he didn't. When he spoke to reply her, however, it didn't come out with a strong voice, but rather, it sounded like a tired sigh.

"I do."

 _Of course, he does._

She was just making sure. She knew what his answer would be but hearing it straight from his mouth relieved her. There was no pain in her chest, but the hands that held her on her forearms were trembling. Natsu had been brave and strong. And then, he was being honest with her and that was enough.

"But," he continued with a stronger voice. Lucy removed her hand from her face slowly and looked at him. "I will be faithful to you. Only you."

Faithful. Lucy remembered how she promised her faithfulness to him back on the first day of the party. It was bold of her, but she didn't regret it. He had said nothing of it. They had silence surrounding them and she wondered if he felt the same. And now she knew the answer.

"Why?" she questioned. "If your heart belongs to Lisanna, then why having your faithful to me?"

"No. My heart is no one's," he retorted.

"Then why would you go that far if you are still loving her?"

There was a small smile on his face. "Because I want you. Because I want to know more about you. Because I decided that I want to fall in love with you."

The warmth was enveloping her again and she was at a loss of words. The hold against her back was stronger than before and she was once again lost in the scent of cinnamon. His heart that used to beat softly was now beating quickly, like a moderato that slowly turn into allegro.

Once again, all went still, and Lucy felt like she was basking in the sun. His hug was warm, and it was different from how her father used to hug her. She felt herself relaxing in his warmth as her arms once again, tugging the back of his shirt. The beating heart of hers matched his tempo, and she wondered as she closed her eyes if this was all hers.

"I don't want to become her replacement," her voice was muffled as she spoke.

There was a chuckle from him. He knew exactly who she meant by 'her'. "Who said you were?"

"It was implied when you said that you will only love your wife."

"Is Lisanna my wife now?"

"No…"

His hold was released from her and he guided her to the bed. She saw him smiling as she sat on the edge of the bed, looking questioningly at him. He walked to the other side, turned off the lights, and sat with his back facing her.

"Then, it's clear."

Neither of them said anything after that, as they lie on the bed, sharing the blanket, avoiding each other's eyes. Outside was still raining, and the shorthand of the clock was pointing the number eleven while the longer one rested on top of the number two. She didn't know that much time had passed as they talked.

Lucy rolled to her side, feeling the coldness as she clasped her hand together. She never thought that it would turn like this. It wasn't regret that she was feeling nor was it uneasiness. She told herself repeatedly that it was all over, the misunderstanding between them, the story of his past. It was just as he said; it was clear.

Sleep came in the pace of a snail and she tried to clear her mind to sleep. She wasn't thinking of anything in particular, but, somehow, her mind was buzzing noisily. Her eyes were wide open, and the sound of pitter patter of the rain filled her ears. She couldn't sleep.

 _At least it's not a thunderstorm._

Lucy thought of Wendy. The poor girl was afraid of thunder and if the rain turned into one, maybe she should go and sleep with Wendy instead. It wasn't uncomfortable to have him sleeping with her, but she supposed she had to get used to the feeling of having someone else in the room. It wasn't easy. Lucy afraid she might kick him again in her sleep because she was restless.

An arm rested across her waist and suddenly his presence behind her grew stronger. She felt her hair tugged gently and there was a breath of relief came from him. It was the third times that he played with her hair, twirling his finger around it, combing through it. But it was the first time that he took a scent of it.

"Aren't you going to kick me?"

She wanted to turn at him, to see if he was smirking just like how it showed in his voice. But his voice was so close to her ears, deep baritone voice whispered into her ears and she felt her face heated up. There was a small gap between them, but she could feel the familiar warmth from him.

"No, I'm too tired," she lied.

"Is that so." She knew he wasn't going to believe her easily.

There was a steady breathing came from him not long after that. His one arm was still resting across her waist and honestly, Lucy was too tired to put the arm away. She was tired, she needed rest, but sleep didn't come. It didn't help that he seemed to be holding onto her, making her unable to get up to get some water.

She gave up, then. Brown eyes tiringly blinking slowly, mind shoving away any thoughts that might prevent her to sleep and focused on breathing steadily. By the fifth inhale, she felt him pulling her closer that her back was directly touching his chest and his face almost buried in her hair. There was an urge to scream, to broke free from his hold and march into Wendy's room.

But she liked how warm he was.

She recounted their argument a while ago. It wasn't exactly an argument, but she was too tired to think any of the proper term. He was doing all the talking, just as she wished, explaining in a bold manner, cutting straight to the point as if he knew she could care less about the minor details. Maybe it wasn't because he knew she didn't like it. Maybe it was because the memory would hurt him if he recalled any more than that. Either way, she was fine with that. All she needed was clarity.

And she realized that she jumped to the conclusion recklessly. That was her fault, that was all caused by her cowardice. But then, all had turned well for her and his part, that was why she could think as such. Maybe not in this universe, but maybe in another universe, even if she was being brave and asked him, if the fact was different from how he saw her right now, then she would be hurting more. She would be dragged into their suffering as well.

If she had to choose between knowing and not knowing, regarding this matter, she was glad that she chose to know it all. She was glad that she asked. She was glad that she was being brave.

 _"Because I decided that I want to fall in love with you."_

That line almost reminded her of the part where Jules declared his love to Estelle. That line almost had her rooted to the spot where she stood, stopped her heart, and tears fell to her cheek. When he hugged her for the second times, her reaction was as slow as the first one. It took her several seconds later to reach into his back, relaxing in his hold, and concentrating to his beating heart.

The warmth was the same as the one that she felt on her back right now. The scent was the same as the one she caught from his sleeping figure. She could feel herself slowly relaxing the tense muscle, to succumb into the softness of the pillow, to unconsciously searching for the tempo of his heart beat. Sleep was touching her eyelids and it slowly grew heavier. By the time she closed her eyes, there was one lingering thought that floated around her mind.

She had fallen in love with him.

* * *

 _this will be the last chapter before i'm going on hiatus ^^_

 _school started and i will be busy with it so i'm pausing it here. i will be back around may or june and will continue this story until the end that i've been thinking_ _. i hope you enjoyed reading this story! thank you so much for taking your time reading this story and i really appreciate your support!_


	13. Chapter 13

_They said that thunderstorm brought forth sunshine the day after, just like what April's shower did to May's flower. I thought that thunderstorm wasn't frequent here in Thelua, unlike how it did in Feliose._

 _But the one last night, the drizzle last night – I was glad it happened._

 _I just hoped it wouldn't last long and worsen._

* * *

 **A Tale from Thelua**

[13] _another sunny day in Thelua_

* * *

When Lucy came to the reverie, she was already inside a tub filled with hot water and flower petals floating around her. The sunlight came through the small window near the ceiling, casting a pale-yellow light into the quiet bathroom. She blinked, picking up a petal and stared at it. She barely noticed the existence of one of her maids; the one who poured more hot water into the tub. The maid, Ange, gave her a vibrant smile upon meeting her eyes.

"My lady today is a good day," she chirped. "It is perfect for strolling around the garden."

Lucy then noticed the sunlit room and nodded. "Prepare my riding dress."

"Pardon?" The maid seemed surprised.

"One that is suitable for riding," Lucy said as she played with the rose petal, twirling it around. "I want to ride the horse."

Riding a horse. The idea suddenly popped in her head. She had heard about the stable before and about the horses, too. She rarely rode one back in Feliose, but she guessed she wanted to relieve the feeling where her hair was swept by the wind once again.

Her maid smiled. "Certainly, my lady."

The maid then exited the bathroom, leaving Lucy alone as she eyed the other floating rose petals. She sunk into the water, closing her eyes while her mind slowly tracing back to what happened in a few nights ago. A night that felt like a thunderstorm and hurricane. A night that was a little bit too embarrassing to reminisce but couldn't help being reminded about it every now and then.

 _"Because I decided that I want to fall in love with you."_

In love. _Do people really have to decide whether they want to fall in love?_

Natsu. Her husband. She was bound to him for life in this arranged marriage. She knew that love might have no place here, but she didn't want to believe it was true. And that was almost true, but she tried to reason with it, with him, tried to understand him. Yet, with all those talks that night, she was still unable to completely understand him.

 _What does decide mean? Do people really have to think whether to or not to fall in love? Or is it just him? Because it is Natsu?_

She didn't understand.

Lucy rose to the surface, gasping for air and brushed away the water and rose petal that stuck on her face. She really needed a breather. A fresh air would be nice, and a change of scenery would even be better. That must be why she said she wanted to horse riding on a whim. To run even though she couldn't run. To escape from her mind temporarily.

When she stepped out of the bathroom, she found Wendy sat on the edge of the bed while chatting with the maids. Her three maids were all in high spirit, it seemed. They all were having this bright smile and a slight blush as they giggled lightly.

"Ah, sister!" Wendy hopped from the bed and approached her. "I hear from Ange that you want to go horse riding this morning."

Lucy smiled at the girl. "Yes. Would you like to accompany me, Wendy?"

The girl had her whole face lit up. "I'd love to!"

"Go and change your dress, Wendy. I'll be waiting at the stable," Lucy said as she walked to the changing room. "Don't tell your brother about this, okay?"

 _Why?_

"Why?" She asked.

 _Because I don't want to see him for the moment. Because I don't want to be reminded about that night. Because I want to forget it all._

If only Lucy could voice out all those words in her mind, but she didn't want Wendy to worry and the maids to know about it. No one needed to know about that matter more than him and her. If words were to spread about it, rumor would spark and following suit would be troubles and there would be a need to fix things.

She didn't want to fix something that didn't need any fixing in the first place. She didn't want to start any problem either. It was best to pretend that things were fine between them and that they were getting along just as fine as a newlywed couple would be.

"Natsu is currently busy with his paperwork," Lucy replied without really lying. "I don't think asking him to go with us would do any good with his busy schedule."

Fortunately for her, Wendy nodded and took her leave. It was reasonable, and she knew Wendy knew about Natsu's relentless paperwork. He didn't even sleep in their bedroom last night. And so did the other previous night. The last time he slept there was a night after _that_ night.

A night where she was being too emotional. A night where he saw her in her weakest state. A night where she realized how love tasted like.

It was sour, slightly sweet, but mostly bitter. _Why do women pursue it, then?_

She knew that love was not always beautiful. She knew that even though there was bitterness along the way, the sweetness would still come in the end. She knew all that, but she never expected it would feel, _taste_ , like this. It felt like having a foreign thing forced down her throat into her body and it dwelled. Sometimes it made her feel good, sometimes it made her feel uneasy. Seeing him made her feel complicated – she was happy, yet she was nervous.

Maybe horse riding was a good choice, after all. It was a good chance to forget it all momentarily. It had been a long time since she went by herself to the nature, feeling her mind being refreshed by it. The last time she rode a horse was on the third day of their marriage celebration day, which was almost a month ago. Since that day, she mostly occupied herself in the library or exploring the inside castle.

"Sister, I'm sorry I make you wait."

Wendy's voice pulled Lucy back to the present. The girl quickly mounted the horse with white coat and stood in line with her. "My nanny insisted on going with us, but I told her to stay a bit far from us. Is that alright?"

Lucy noticed the appearance of a woman who mounted another white-coated horse. She turned to Wendy. "It's fine. I've never explored the field so having native would be good in case we went too far."

Being too far wasn't the issue. Instead, she had planned on going as far as possible if she were riding by herself to explore the plains and bask in the sunlight freely. To let go of what burdening her shoulders, to let go of what constantly spinning in her head. But having Wendy's nanny wasn't a bad idea. She could still make them escape from her.

She turned to Wendy as she signalled her horse to take off.

"Shall we start, then?"

* * *

 _i'm back! thank you for waiting patiently these 4 months ^^ i'm so glad to be able to write again! and of course, thank you for your support!_


	14. Chapter 14

_Father once said that a man's weakness didn't lie in his head – his intelligence – or in his hands – his authority. No. A man's weakness lay in his eyes._

 _Eyes saw things; noticed the one which caught his interest the most, noticed how beautiful women were, and, then, got captivated by their appearance. But even appearance could lie. Women's beauty wasn't just skin-deep, but most men didn't realize it. Thus, father said, a man's weakness was women._

 _"Even a glance from you can bring men into their knees," father said. "Even with your smile can make men blindly devote themselves to you."_

 _But he didn't._

* * *

 **A Tale from Thelua**

[14] _him_

* * *

To feel the breeze, to bask in the sunlight, and to run freely in Thelua were things she thought would never be able to accomplish. Back in Feliose, in between her duty as the crown princess and studying, she would sneak away from the castle and took off into the forest with her dear stallion. To take a breather, to refresh her mind. It never crossed her mind that she would do the same here in Thelua.

Her hands were holding the reins tightly, a tender smile bloomed, a wind brushed past her hair and made it flew like a golden river. The plain stretched far, and her eyes were filled with green. For a moment, she forgot that there were Wendy and her nanny. For a moment, she forgot who she was.

"Sis! Don't go too far!"

Lucy slowly eased the horse and she stopped beneath a tree. Glancing back, she saw Wendy and her nanny catching up with her. Both seemed to be out of breath, especially Wendy's nanny. Lucy made a note to rode slower when they return to the castle as she dismounted from her horse.

"I'm sorry, I forgot that I am not riding alone," Lucy said as they stopped their horses near her. "Shall we take a break?"

"We shall, my lady," replied the nanny. "Beyond is lord's hunting ground. I'm afraid this is as far as we can go."

There was a fence, Lucy noticed, and a sign. A hunting ground would be a nice change of track for horse riding, but she knew she wouldn't be able to enter it carelessly. There might be wild bear and other predators inside. She would cause a problem if she trespassed it.

 _Even though I want to be as far away from the castle as possible, but I'm just being selfish. Again._

Both Wendy and the nanny would be blamed if something happened to her. It was dangerous enough for not bringing any knight with her now. Someone might attack and abduct her or Wendy and there was no one able to fight back or call for rescue. But she wanted freedom. Just this once. _Just this once, please, let me be selfish._

Lucy leaned to the tree, eyes fixed to the sight of the castle on the far horizon. Even such a big castle looked small from afar. Her world was so small. It was just a couple of walls built from bricks and filled with tapestries and everything fancy. It was almost no different to her home. But she felt extra suffocated there. Perhaps because she was new to this place. Perhaps because she had a lot things in mind.

It was true, after all, when Doctor Porlyusica said that marriage wasn't a small thing. Marriage brought more problem, she said, that was why she didn't have any intention of marrying. But Lucy regarded her marriage as a fortune. One of the biggest gift she had in her life. And marrying Natsu was even bigger of a gift than the whole marriage itself. Natsu. Natsu Dragneel. A future king, a future father of the next heir, a husband.

Her husband.

Part of her wanted to sneer at it. To sneer at the thought of having a husband whose heart was left on another lady. On Lisanna Beumann.

She found herself whispering, "Is it that hard for you to forget your first love?"

But another part of her wanted to let it be, to let it lie as low as possible, to pretend that everything would be fine. And why wouldn't it be fine? She had sworn her loyalty to him and she knew he wasn't foolish enough to let his feeling get the best of him. Moreover, after giving it a bit of thought, Lucy felt that they both were trying their best to know each other. To understand each other. To fall in love with each other. But she already did, and she didn't know how.

Love came in the most unexpected way, at the most unexpected time. That was how it was in _'Estelle and Jules_ '. But this wasn't a romance novel. Natsu wouldn't just suddenly fall in love with her all that simple either.

"Today is a good day," Lucy finally said, distracting herself from the train of thought. "Good things tend to happen in a good day."

"Indeed," the nanny nodded. "Maybe it is sunny because they finally return."

"They?"

"The knights!" Wendy exclaimed happily. "Ange is especially happy today because she can see him after a long time. She's a big fan of him, after all."

Lucy was confused. " _'Him'_ who?"

Wendy giggled. "The Flower Knight!"

Flower knight. She had heard that name back when she was in Feliose. Of course. That name was well-known even in Feliose. It was a title, and only bestowed to someone with the greatest service among the knights. There was only one bearer of the title and he would be either deceased or cast away if the title happened to be available.

This era's flower knight – Lucy knew who he was. She had seen him when she was performing her duty as the princess; when she was attending the closed conference regarding territorial disputes between Feliose and Thelua as the representative of Feliose. The Flower Knight was standing behind Thelua's king's advisor, Makarov Dreyar.

She remembered clearly the depth of his dark eyes, even with his face hidden behind the helmet. She remembered clearly how his eyes calculated her when she spoke to Makarov. She remembered how his voice rung in her ears when he spoke.

To think over it again, that time wasn't her first time seeing him. It was far before that day – before she knew who he was and before everything came to an acknowledgement.

"There will be a party to celebrate their return in three days," Wendy spoke. "I'm sure you can meet him, sister."

"Of course," Lucy replied absently as her gaze shifted to the blue sky, looking at the drifting clouds.

 _Maybe it's better if I don't see him._

But she knew that couldn't be done. Even if she tried to avoid it, she would have to face him. Sooner or later. Though, even if she wished for the latter, it seemed that she was not in today's favour. Someone was approaching them from the distance, someone who rode a horse, whose red mantle fluttered from his back.

 _Ah…_

She noticed the color of his hair. It was dark. His helmet was absent, revealing his stern expression with a pair of eyes that was looking straight at her.

She had seen it before. She was familiar with it, familiar with him. His figure slowly drew closer and Lucy fought the urge to mount her horse and rode away.

 _It's him._


	15. Chapter 15

_He was in the middle of sword training when I first saw him. I was hiding behind a tree, but he noticed me without even glancing. He could find me almost immediately._

 _That was when I saw his eyes. Obsidian black, and so did his hair._

 _I thought that he would be so cold. But God knew I shouldn't be judging someone by his look. I was so wrong about that._

* * *

 **A Tale from Thelua**

[15] _honored flower knight_

* * *

"Brother!"

Wendy's voice rung in her ears, loud and clear. The girl ran to the man who stood beside his horse and hugged him. She was smiling, almost laughing when she was lifted from the ground and placed on the horse. The man had a gentle smile, one that Lucy thought would never see again after all this time. One that Lucy thought would never bear to see.

"What are you doing here?" Wendy asked. "I thought you'll be back by the noon!"

The man, with smile still graced his face, replied, "We arrived sooner than planned. The others were eager to get some proper rest so we paced up."

His voice, too, was as gentle as she remembered. He had such a calm voice, smooth and soft despite how he looked. Obsidian black eyes then met hers and Lucy caught herself throwing her gaze somewhere else. He caught her off guard. _He always catch me off guard._

He approached her, standing before her and said, "Greetings, princess."

"Good day," Lucy managed to swallow the lump in her throat and greeted back the knight, "Zeref."

He gave her a smile, knelt, and took her hand to place a kiss on its back. Lucy couldn't tear her eyes away from the sight of him kissing her hand. It made a memory to resurface, and suddenly, Lucy was drowned in the memory of the same man who kissed her hand several years ago. The same man whose hair was as dark as his eyes, whose kiss lingered a couple beats longer.

But she managed to prevent it from replaying. She didn't really want to remember that. She didn't see the importance of remembering it, despite the fact the she was suddenly feeling a little bit better than before. Smile. She should be smiling.

"What brings Thelua's most honored knight here?" Lucy asked calmly, as if nothing was different from any other day, as if he was nothing new to her.

Zeref chuckled. "I received a distressed complaint from Sir Larry. He said that his student is missing so I volunteered on searching," he glanced to Wendy, "and apparently I have found her."

"I thought Sir Larry said yesterday that we will have no class today!" Wendy pouted. "That's why I went with sister."

"Yes, but apparently he changed his mind," Zeref patted Wendy's hair, giving her a wry smile. "You should be going now."

"But what about sister?"

"I'll accompany her."

Lucy blinked. He would?

"I should be going as well," Lucy quickly spoke, walking to her horse. "I would like to apologize to Sir Larry for taking his student with me."

"It's fine, sister. I will explain it to him. Well, then, I'm returning first, sister," Wendy said as she rode the horse, followed by her nanny, leaving Lucy with a slightly ajar mouth, ready to stop Wendy if only she didn't ride so quickly.

The wind blew and Lucy caught the faintest smell of cinnamon. Cinnamon and other spices that brought more memories to resurface. It was his - Zeref's scent; it was still the same as before. To be able to smell it, he must be somewhere near her. He must be standing right behind her. She didn't know how he did it without her noticing, but the sound of a fluttering cape told her enough.

She didn't turn at him. Her hand found its way to the horse's coat, brushing it as a poor attempt of not arousing his interest. But she knew it was all in vain. Thus, Lucy spoke.

"Surely there is something else than volunteering for Sir Larry," Lucy said.

"I've been missing you."

He wasted no more than a beat to say it, and Lucy was left without able to reply with anything. That simple phrase reminded her of his question from long time ago, one where they made a promise but left with him breaking it. She had forgotten all about it until just now. Until he showed.

There was a sigh from him. And then, a whisper, "I've been wanting to see you."

The gust of wind blew once again and Lucy suddenly found herself in an embrace. The scent of cinnamon and spices filled her and she was stunned. Her arms hung limp on her sides and she felt the distance between them grew narrower.

It was something she didn't anticipate. He caught her off guard – _always_ caught her off guard. If anything, she could never catch him off guard. But when she pushed him away, she saw astonishment came across his face, his eyes.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

 _For what?_

"No. I should be the one who apologize," Zeref said. "I wasn't aware that... we aren't like how we used to be. I'm sorry for startling you, princess."

Princess. She didn't like it when he called her that, even now. But she couldn't tell him. She could never tell him about that one. _Because you might distance yourself from me and I didn't want that_.

There was a pause, and she wondered if the expression she forced on was a smile when he spoke.

"Congratulation on your marriage, Lucy."

When he said that, he wasn't looking at her. His gaze lingered on her fingers, on a finger where the golden ring settled, and Lucy could feel a slight tug on her heart. When he took her hand and pressed another kiss, brushing against her ring, a lump was formed once again in her throat, a tug grew stronger, a mixture of feelings formed in her chest.

"And I wished for your happiness."

Happiness. There was something bitter when he said that. The wish almost sounded like it was forced. Just like how she forced her smile to linger, just like how she forced herself to stay here. The urge to drove off with her horse was getting unbearable. She had wanted to find peace here, to kept some unwanted thought away from her head. She'd certainly never expected this encounter.

This was just too soon. Lucy wasn't ready for this.

"I.." she stuttered. "Thank you, Zeref."

The smile he gave her was as gentle as she remembered. She couldn't deny the fact that there was something in him that calmed her. Was it his eyes? His gaze? His voice?

 _Because it is him, because it is Zeref_.

Lucy climbed her horse, glanced to Zeref and said, "You should return and have a proper rest. Good day, Zeref."

She took off, leaving Zeref and then rode deeper into the forest while minding not to cross the border of the hunting ground. She needed this, as much as she knew she was being rather rude to him, she needed her own time. To think.

Zeref. She had forgotten all about him when she first arrived here. Maybe she just had her mind on the marriage. That was why she forgot about him. The thought never once crossed her mind. But now she had met him, all memories about him resurfaced. While it wasn't unpleasant, she just preferred not to be reminded much about it.

 _I just don't want to regret anything._

 _I just don't want to make anything harder._

* * *

 _i'm sorry for re-uploading this chapter! i pressed the wrong button and just realized an hour later when i check my email ^^;; anyway, i hope you enjoyed this chapter ^^ thank you Rushii for pointing it out! :D_


	16. Chapter 16

_"Shall we meet again here tomorrow?"_

 _"But I have to attend the meeting with Thelua's–"_

 _"It doesn't matter."_

 _When he said that, I am sure he was smiling at me. I am sure he took my hand and placed a brief kiss on the back after he said that. I am sure we were making a promise. Because, then, he said–_

 _"I will wait for you."_

* * *

 **A Tale from Thelua**

[16] _forgotten_

* * *

She had been sitting there for a while. Her horse was left alone, the reins were tied to a tree branch not far from her, and she was gazing at the sky. The clouds were drifting lazily as the wind gently blew, making leaves rustled against each other. Lucy couldn't help but thinking, then; what a long morning she had. It felt like the time ticked with an agonizingly slow pace, as if it mocked her. Lucy wanted to take back all the compliment she had for today's weather. Today wasn't a good day for her.

It wasn't as if her encounter with Zeref left her with a bad taste in her mouth. It wasn't that. If all, she should be feeling happy to be able seeing him after a long time. But that was impossible, and she didn't want to deceive herself. She was tired of playing pretend. Once, just once – she wanted to be a little selfish.

Seeing Zeref should be easy. Talking to him should be as easy as talking with Natsu. They were siblings. There was nothing to be afraid of. But she should admit it; it was uncomfortable. Even if the way he talked, the way he gazed at her managed to calm her, she couldn't help but feeling uncomfortable still.

 _Why? Because he broke our promise? But it was already in the past._

The promise. The promise that he broke; it was nothing major, actually. True, she had been looking forward meeting him again, but she remembered not being too dejected when he didn't come. She had anticipated it because she knew he risked his place to see her. Because she was the princess of Feliose while he was the knight of Thelua. A princess and a knight from the opposing country shouldn't be able to meet so casually.

Maybe because seeing Zeref brought memories to the surface, and it was so intense that she couldn't handle it at once. Everything came in a blurry motion; the memory of him laughing, talking with him, meeting him for the first time.

 _Oh…_

She forgot one major thing. Zeref was the first prince of Thelua, an older brother of Natsu and Wendy, the one who should be taking the throne. Why did he become a knight?

 _"I am just a knight who guards the border for the conference's sake. But I do wonder what business does a Feliose's princess have in this forest, hm?"_

He was such a lowly knight when he introduced himself to her. Yet, even in her disguise, he could tell she was Feliose's princess. She knew he wasn't just an ordinary man from that time. It was just that she never expected that he was the Flower Knight.

The title of Flower Knight was already bestowed upon him the moment she first saw him, but he never once mentioned it. Lucy learned that when she was attending the meeting as the delegate from Feliose. Even behind the mask of the armor that he wore when he stood behind Makarov Dreyar, she could tell that it was him. Why didn't he tell her?

The promise they made was to meet after the conference ended, but at that conference was the last time she saw him. He didn't come, no matter how long she waited.

"This sounds like a novel Levy would love to write," she laughed. "Or maybe I should write one myself."

"Write what?"

Lucy almost yelped when a voice suddenly broke the pleasant silence she had. She didn't need to turn her head to the owner to know whose voice was it. She knew it very well, it was just that she wasn't expecting him to be here.

"Natsu Dragneel, you are going to cut your wife's lifespan short every time you did that," Lucy sighed.

The man was leaning to the tree where she rested her back on. With arms crossed across his chest, he continued staring at her as if studying her.

"I didn't know you can ride a horse," he finally said, offering her a hand to help her stand.

Lucy took it immediately and replied, "I wasn't called Feliose's Stallion for no reason, of course. Now I know where your attention was when we were out for horse riding on our celebration party."

"Are you the type who hold grudges?" Natsu asked.

"Usually, no. But I can if I want to."

"Looks like I am a hot topic in your hate list."

Lucy looked at him. "Why would I place you on that list?"

Natsu brushed a leaf from her hair. He held her gaze before replying. "You know very well what the reason is."

Lisanna. The duchess' name popped in her head immediately. She had forgotten about Natsu and the internal argument she had with herself regarding him. Lucy could swear; all of this was going to give her a severe headache, Natsu and Zeref.

While she was partly irritated for having her peaceful morning disturbed for the second time, she was actually relieved for having Natsu here. She wasn't sure how she would react if Zeref was the one who appear. She wasn't sure if she would be at today's mercy if Zeref made his appearance once again. She started regretting on going horse riding.

"Why are you here?" She asked, changing the topic. "How about your paperwork?"

"Wendy told me about you riding alone and that I was a failure of a husband if I continue working instead of seeing you," he sighed. "Can't afford to lose my wife's affection now, can I?"

Lucy turned her head to Natsu. "Hm? How much of affection do you think I have for you?"

Lucy had forgotten that she was – had fallen in love with this man beside her. The thought didn't send her any 'racing pulse' or 'butterfly in the stomach' as how it was described in _'Estelle and Jules'_. If she had to describe anything about this moment, she would choose the word 'nothing'.

But, then, he smiled and Lucy had to admit that she liked it when he smiled.

"On the scale of ten, I would safely assume three."

Three. No more and no less. The number was small, but it might be the perfect number if Lucy could measure it. The thing was that she wasn't even sure about it herself.

"You don't really have to go here, actually," Lucy finally said, remembering her main purpose of horse riding. "I'm still on the lord's field so it's not dangerous."

Natsu sighed, reaching for her hair and played with it. "Still, you should at least have Gray with you. You know that you shouldn't be wandering around alone."

"Well, actually the first prince–"

 _Why did I mention him?_

Natsu looked at her, confused as to why she stopped talking. "What?"

Lucy looked at Natsu's finger. The motion, twirling her hair, playing with it, stopped. It wasn't on purpose – Lucy never wanted to mention it to him. She wanted to forget their encounter and the fact that she knew him. But Natsu wasn't a fool. He would notice something if she didn't talk.

"Your brother was here," Lucy said.

Natsu tilted his head. "He was?"

"He was here to find Wendy and get her to her class with Sir Larry. I left him shortly after Wendy left to continue horse riding." She didn't know why, but she wanted to skip all that was happening between her and Zeref.

 _I don't want to remember it._

A water fell on her cheek, and on her hand. She looked up to the sky. It had filled with grey clouds and water started spilling from them. Lucy took a step back so her back was touching the tree as she continued watching the grass grew wet. Her view was blocked suddenly and she found herself ducking beneath Natsu's arm as he stretched his cloak to use it as a shield from rain.

"It may be a slight drizzle, but you can still catch a cold," he said as he glanced at her.

"I know," she replied. "I hope this won't change into a heavy rain."

"It won't," he said.

The conversation ended. The sound of the water hitting the trees, leaves and grass were the only sound Lucy could hear. They stayed in a long silence. There wasn't much that she could do beside watching puddles that slowly formed and the water droplets from the edge of Natsu's cloak. She glanced at him and stared at him from a low angle. He was looking straight at whatever he was looking at, undisturbed by her gaze.

"Natsu," she called, somehow feeling unnerved by the silence. "What are you thinking right now?"

He had to drag his eyes away from the wet tree across the clearing where Lucy's horse took a shelter. His onyx eyes met her warm chocolate and she found herself comparing him and Zeref before she could stop it. _Natsu has a lighter eye color._

"We will have a welcoming party for the knights in three days," he started. "I was wondering if you have any specific person to invite."

Levy. She had missed the blue-haired authoress because she had yet to send her a letter or receive any letter from her. She could bring along her daughter so they both can busy themselves with entertaining the baby. But, of course, she couldn't do that in reality. She had guests to talk to and she knew it wouldn't be good if Levy received all of her attention.

And about Lisanna–

"The duchess of Livre," Lucy decided, "you can invite her."

"Why?" He asked. _I thought you don't want to_ , was left unsaid but she knew from the way he gazed her.

She smiled a little, closing her eyes. "I trust you, Natsu."

 _I will trust you._

When he didn't reply, she added, "She will look bad in other's eyes if you didn't invite her and I don't want any new rumor to arise."

He gave her a nod and Lucy smiled. "Natsu, can I ask another thing?"

"What is it?"

"If one day," she whispered, "if you and I were to be separated for a long time, would you hug me when we finally see each other?"

Natsu gave her a glance, confused. "I can't pass this one, can I?"

Lucy shook her head.

His expression was unreadable. Impassive. But, he replied her. "Maybe I will."

Lucy glanced back at the puddle near them, it was reflecting the grey sky. It didn't look like it was going to clear up any soon. She didn't like this. This, and the fact that there was something that tugged in her chest, and somehow, the weight on her shoulder increased. She exhaled softly and closed her eyes.

 _Is that so?_


	17. Chapter 17

_I was there. When you took off with your horse, I was there. You had the biggest smile on your face as you savor the pleasant feeling when the wind brushed past your hair. You rode your horse even faster as you were out of the castle ground. Were you afraid that the knight might notice you and follow you?_

 _I was there, looking at you from the distance as you gazed at the castle. I was wondering what was on your mind. Because you looked as if you were going to cry. But you didn't._

 _I was there when he approached you, when he talked to you, when he hugged you._

 _I was there._

 _But I could only watch._

* * *

 **A Tale from Thelua**

[17] _chivalry_

* * *

Today was the day – the celebration party. While Lucy was never a big fan of party, she couldn't help but forcing herself to attend. After all, it was a party held for her own knight's homecoming and both the king and the queen had invited the nobles from all over the land of Thelua along with their knight. It was impossible for her not to make any appearance, especially because the excitement about her marriage with Natsu had yet to subside.

Jousting became the reason why the king and the queen invited the knights. The best knights from all over Thelua gathered today for one purpose; taking over the Flower Knight title. The sole purpose seemed to spark the excitement among the knights. It was obvious because Lucy could feel the almost a tense atmosphere around the gathering knights and the noblemen seemed to be expecting as well. Of course, the knights of the castle sent him – Zeref.

Seated along with the other noble ladies, Lucy was quick to secure her seat next to Levy in the first row and away from the Duchess of Livre. And from that seat, she could spot Natsu along with the other noblemen across the ladies' seat. He was talking with the man next to him while Levy's husband sat behind him. Maybe the decision to sit with other nobles was right, after all.

The horn was blown, and the event started. Lucy had anticipated the appearance of Zeref, preparing herself to feign interest on the even as she did a small talk with Levy.

"I wonder when will our first prince makes his turn," whispered Levy as they watched the match between the knight from Hedgings and Friol. "The knight Gajeel sent was beyond honored to be able to meet him."

"I'm not sure," Lucy replied. "It will be a long match for him. He wouldn't give up on the title, after all." She didn't like how it turned out; it felt like she knew him well. She hoped Levy didn't notice it.

"Have you met him? I heard that most ladies here are rooting for him rather than their own knights."

"Why?"

"Prince Zeref has his own fans. He rarely smiles, but that's the charm. The ladies here are drawn to him simply by it," Levy giggled. "And I can't deny it either."

 _Huh?_

"He always wears a serious expression, rarely talks to the ladies," Levy continued on, "and he even refused the dance offer from one of the ladies. While it was quite rude, the lady wasn't put to shame and she was more eager to win his heart."

Lucy nodded, silently taking the information that was new to her in mind. Zeref rarely smiled. She didn't know that. Because he smiled back then, to Wendy in that field. He smiled at her.

 _Even back on those days, he always smiled at me. Why?_

That thought was interrupted by the hushed noise coming from the ladies around her. Lucy studied the field beneath her. On the west side was a knight with brown-coated horse. He had won the previous three matches if memory served her right. A knight from Westwend. But it seemed that he wasn't what made the ladies sparked up. Lucy glanced to the east, and riding a white horse was him. Zeref.

Fluttering on his back was the red mantle and he rode toward the ladies. The ladies were back on their best behavior, Lucy observed, and as he approached the seat, they wore a polite smile on their faces, some had blush while the other barely suppressed a giggle. It seemed what Levy had told her was true.

Jousting was a new thing for her. Back in Feliose, they never had this included in the welcoming party. It was only after Natsu told her that there would be jousting on the welcoming party that Lucy finally familiarized herself with it by reading a book about it. At least it appeared that she knew about it. But she didn't know why Zeref was riding in the direction of the ladies' seat, and while she recounted on what she read about jousting yesterday, she tried avoiding his gaze.

But then, he stopped in front of her with his spear tilted in her direction.

"Princess," his deep voice was muffled by the helmet, "your blessing, if you will."

Lucy wasn't sure about what he meant by blessing. The book didn't specifically say anything about blessing, but she did read that sometimes a woman would tie her handkerchief or ribbon on the knight's spear if asked. She didn't find any relevancy between jousting and tying her ribbon to the spear, but she knew she had to do something with it before the ladies' glare intensified. She untied the blue ribbon that secured her hair, letting it fall to her back as she couldn't remember where she placed her handkerchief.

"Be careful," she said, tying the ribbon around the edge of the spear, "and I wish you good luck."

There was a gleam in his eyes, and Lucy could easily guess its meaning. Maybe the other ladies didn't realize it, but, hidden behind the helmet, the man was smiling. And it was the same smile that he gave her on the other day. And, once again, only she who realized it.

When the horn was once again blown, the match started with both sides charging, and despite Lucy's slight worry about Zeref losing his title, he ended the match quickly with him being the victor. A gentle applause came from the ladies and she couldn't help but feeling relieved.

The jousting ended with him being the victor, ultimately defending his title. And while Lucy was chatting with Levy, discussing the fact that the ladies were actually debating to get the honor to give Zeref the winning prize, a corolla landed softly on top of her head. Levy was beyond shocked and Lucy was confused.

"A corolla," Levy whispered, "is meant to be given to the knight's dearest person."

Lucy blinked. "But we barely know each other."

"I can safely assume that it means Prince Zeref welcomes you as his sister-in-law," Levy sighed. "But then, I noticed it."

"What?"

"The green ribbon tied on the back of his helmet. It means that the wearer has a lady he likes."

Lucy was called before she could respond to Levy, but that one last statement was repeated over and over in her head.

Zeref was the first prince of Thelua, a brother of Natsu and Wendy, the most renowned knight of the kingdom, someone who had given up his right to the throne. Lucy couldn't understand the motive behind his action and she didn't want to believe that what Levy said to her was true. Lucy didn't want to read too much into it.

 _He is just accepting me as his sister-in-law._

With that thought, she pushed all the thoughts to the back of her head and then she wondered why she was called. Now, Lucy wondered if the smile she displayed was good and if she was speaking clearly. Zeref was standing in front of her with the helmet he previously wore in the match in his hands and a flock of ladies standing behind her. In her hands was a small brooch made from blue sapphire that sat on a white silk. It seemed that no one told her that she was the one who had the honor to give him the winning prize.

"Congratulations, Prince Zeref. It was an amazing game," she said, handing the brooch before she walked away, thanking the other ladies for swarming around him so she could get away quickly.

"Princess."

Lucy stopped in her track. Impassive expression once again took over her when she heard his voice. She turned around, a smile graced her face. "Yes?"

"Will you give me the honor to have the first dance with you at tonight's dance party?"

Lucy stared at him. Her eyes met his momentarily before it saw the flowing green ribbon tied to his helmet. Levy's statement returned to her head, and Lucy struggled to keep the smile on. Zeref rarely smiled, but now, he smiled at her. Zeref never danced, but now, he asked for a dance from her. Zeref left her, but now, he was there, standing only a few meters away from her.

 _"I wasn't aware that… we aren't like how we used to be."_

 _"A corolla is meant to be given to the knight's dearest person."_

 _"It means that the wearer has a lady he likes."_

 _"Congratulation on your marriage, Lucy."_

All of them, the memory of him and Levy, returned, and in the midst of it, Lucy could only muster a small reply.

"Certainly."

Lucy curtsied, and walked away, leaving the man with the ladies who surrounded him asking him for a dance as well. She needed to get away. She needed a quiet place, an empty place.

 _A sister. He sees me as a sister._

Natsu.

She wanted to see him now.

* * *

 _i'm sorry for not updating sooner!_


	18. Chapter 18

_Once, I thought that he had left me for good. For days, I convinced myself that he would not return. He never belonged to Feliose, and he was more than an ordinary knight he claimed to be. The border between Feliose and Thelua was never his place. He belonged to a more important place – a place where his service was needed greatly. After all, he was the Flower Knight._

 _And me – I decided to forget it all. Because no matter how I beg, we would not be able to meet again. Because I had more important matter to think about. Because I could not remain forever in the border._

 _But he came back._

* * *

 **A Tale from Thelua**

[18] _his love_

* * *

Onyx eyes narrowed as the referee announced the winner of the match between the knight of Westwend and the knight of Gilramor. He had expected Gilramor to win, but it seemed that Westwend had its knight trained more proper this time. Natsu stifled a yawn, wondering when the event would end. He had been exchanging pleasantries with the other gentlemen, but he did more of the listening than the talking. If he could choose between being present at this event or to continue working, he would choose the latter. Obviously, he couldn't do that as he had a title to keep.

He sighed when he saw the familiar red cape on the opposite side of the Westwend's knight. There was a hushed noise came from the ladies' seat and a dejected sigh from the men around him.

"It's finally our first prince's turn, eh?" One of the men said out loud, particularly to no one.

"I wonder how long this round will last," another man said, followed by a laugh. "I'm afraid Oliver's skill is still not enough to beat his majesty."

"But he might receive the title if he wins."

Natsu opted not to say anything to it. If he were to say his honest opinion, the outcome could be guessed easily, and it was fixed. His eyes flew back to the ladies' seat, looking at his wife and wondering why she wasn't reacting the same as the other ladies. All she did was sparing his brother a quick glance before she returned to stare at the center of the field.

"Prince, where are you going?"

It was Gajeel's voice, asking him as he stood from his seat and was ready to walk away.

"I must return inside. I made an appointment with someone."

He lied, but it was necessary. Without giving the earl a chance to reply, Natsu bid the gentlemen goodbye. He left his seat, quickly slipping into the shadow before anyone could stop him again. Natsu made a brisk walk back into the castle, through the empty corridor, until he reached the room he used to sleep last night. He paused, before walking away, this time, through the corridor that led to his room. His and Lucy's room.

He opened his suit jacket as soon as he entered the room, loosened the ribbon tied around the collar, unbuttoned a couple of the button on his shirt and lay on the bed. Watching the ceiling as he sighed, his mind started to swim to the short exchange he had with Lucy a few days ago.

 _"Your brother was here."_

Though her face was impassive, he noticed the slight discomfort in her voice. He knew. Natsu knew that Zeref was there. He also knew that there was something going on between them. His brother would not make physical contact with anyone so easily. The Zeref he knew was a private person, rarely expressed his emotion to anyone with the exception of his family. But to decide he was accepting Lucy as a new addition to his family was a premature conclusion. The best assumption he could make was Lucy and his brother had known each other for a long time.

He didn't ask her anything about it as Lucy didn't know that he was following her secretly. But Lucy didn't mention of his brother any further, not telling him what happened between them after Wendy gone. He thought that she had no special feeling to it, to the hug. He thought that she was fine with it, treating it like how she usually treated the other gentlemen that made their move to her.

The only thing that was slightly off was the fact that their small interaction gave him the impression that Lucy and his brother had met before. Even if she addressed him in a formal manner, in a distant manner, Natsu couldn't shake the possibility of them knowing each other.

 _How come? Brother had been staying at the border all this time._

Natsu had to admit – he felt uneasy. Usually, he'd let things as it was, but he couldn't stay put this time around. There was an urge to confront him, to ask what he meant by doing that, to ask what he was thinking at that time, to ask what his relationship to her was. Yet, knowing his personality, Natsu knew it would be meaningless.

The image of Lucy being hugged by his brother appeared in his mind. He didn't like it. Not a bit. The thought of having Lucy in the arm of someone else brought a bad taste in his mouth. And that thought never left him. The image his mind unconsciously created, an image of Lucy and Zeref together, replayed countless times in his head. It annoyed him.

A sigh escaped from him and he thought it sounded pathetic. Natsu Dragneel never felt this pathetic before. It dragged on day by day, making him lose his focus and he grew spacey more often. He often found himself wondering what was in Lucy's mind, what she thought about that.

Natsu glanced to the empty space next to him, the side where she used to sleep every night after their marriage. The bedding was cold, and Natsu realized he was missing the warmth of hers. His mind flew into the night where she was crying. His hand fisted the sheet as he remembered how painful her expression was as she cried, how her choked sobs hurt him as if he was feeling pain that she felt.

Sometimes he couldn't understand her. Not at all. She smiled when she was angry, threw a nonchalant laugh when she had a serious thought in her head, wore an impassive mask when she was sad. Her genuine emotion – he had never seen them. She hid them well. She turned it into her weapon, a mask against the society, against him.

 _Lucy…_

The door was knocked, a clean triple rap that rang clearly in the empty room. A glance at the clock, Natsu decided that the event must have finished by now and that he wasn't aware how time passed so quickly when he was deep in thought. Natsu got up, buttoned his shirt and walked to the door. "Lucy?"

 _No, Lucy won't bother knocking her own room._

"It's me, Natsu," there was a feminine voice called from the other side, "Lisanna."

He closed his eyes, thinking if he could just ignore her, but, then, she continued, "I have something important to tell you."

Natsu sighed, remembering that things would get nowhere if he ignored her. He opened the door slightly. "What?"

"I've been wanting to see you."

He frowned, pushing the door to close it. "If that's all you're going to say, please return now."

"Natsu! Wait!" The duchess placed a hand on the door, preventing it to be closed. "I've missed you."

He stared at her, eyes narrowing before he pulled open the door and left the room. He walked through the corridor, feeling more irritated than before. He needed to go somewhere, someplace that was quiet and empty. But the sound of heels clicking against the floor stopped him. Glancing back, he stared at the woman.

"Don't follow me," he said, "or are you trying to make a secret love affair with me?"

Lisanna didn't reply his question. It was harsh, he thought, but it could be the truth. Natsu wondered if this was still the same girl he knew from his childhood. Or had the nobility changed her?

"You are not even happy with her." The woman in front of him looked at him, eyes gleaming, burning. "Maybe you should reconsider some things before it's too late," she continued, smiling a bit, "about your wife, I mean."

Natsu's frown deepened. "What are you trying to say?"

"I heard she had agreed on taking the first dance tonight as the present of the winner of the joust." Her smile widened. "The first prince personally asked her for it."

 _…Brother?_

"Wha–"

"I wonder if she's still going to agree if he were to ask for her company him in his room?"

Onyx eyes widened. "Lisanna!"

He was shouting. It echoed throughout the empty corridor, but he didn't care if someone heard it. The woman had crossed the line, far beyond it, and Natsu regretted on thinking that she was still the same girl that he knew. His hand fisted, nails dug into his skin, making it bleed, but he didn't care.

"Is this the _important_ thing you have to tell me?" He growled. The duchess went quiet, and she almost flinched when he spoke. "Did you marry Laxus just to live like this?"

Natsu walked away, leaving her stunned by his question. His mind was jumbled, thoughts were scattered all over the place. It was clear to him that she was provoking him, but he knew he couldn't believe her. Not anymore.

She wasn't the Lisanna he knew. She had changed; the innocent girl had long gone along with it was the remaining of longing feeling he had for her.

His feet led him to all empty places, trying to find the right place for him to think, yet none of the places seemed right. Only when he caught the sight of a discarded high heel in the middle of the corridor that led to the garden, then he allowed himself to sigh, releasing all the tension he had. A sense of déjà vu caught him as he found the other half was lying on the garden that led to the bench with wisteria arch.

 _Lucy…_

He wanted to see her now. To see her smile, to hear her voice, to be near her. Somehow the thought of being with her could calm him, and thus, he approached the other shoe, picked it up, and headed to the bench.

But what he found wasn't a woman who was deep in thought like he imagined her to be. The woman with bright, sun-kissed hair was shedding tears. It fell to her cheek one by one as she stared at nothing. Only when he made a sound with his shoes that she glanced at him.

 _Lucy?_

"N-Natsu?"

It took him no longer than three seconds to pull her into him and caged her within his arm. "Why are you crying?" he whispered.

He could feel her shaking her head. "I'm not sure…"

"Is it him?" Natsu found himself asking. "Brother?"

And he could feel her stiffen. "H-How did you…?" She choked a sob. Natsu felt her dainty fingers grasping the back of his shirt. "I don't know what to think."

 _Ah… I see now…_

"Don't think of anything," he said.

"I don't want to feel this way."

 _It's love that he has for her._

"Lucy," he called. "Look at me."

She was hesitant – burying her face deeper into his chest. Natsu placed a hand on her jaw, softly, tilting it upward. Her brown eyes looked like a melted chocolate, glossy and red. It screamed pain, confusion, fear.

He didn't like it.

His thumb brushed gently against her wet cheek, brushing off the trail of tears as he dove into her, placing a kiss on her forehead, on her cheek, on her nose. His eyes met hers, sucking in all her mixed feeling, all her pain. She closed her eyes, letting one lone tear fell to her cheek and Natsu leaned to her.

He suddenly remembered how cold it was when he first kissed her. On their marriage ceremony, when all felt like one big lie he made for himself, the kiss they shared was cold. There was nothing in that kiss.

He thought that if she was with him, if she shared the same destiny as he was, then all would go just fine. Love was never promised in this marriage, and Natsu knew that she, too, understood it. He never expected love in this marriage. But now, as his lips found hers, he realized it – the warmth, the shudder, the emotion.

 _Brother loves her… and I have fallen for her as well._


	19. Chapter 19

_Crystalline tears…_

 _Fall from her eyes._

 _Trembling lips, broken sobs, aching heart. She screams a silent scream. Fragile hands gripping me tight, searching my beating heart, catching my heat. Golden hair covers her face, brown eyes hides behind the lids._

 _Look at me._

 _Look at me._

 _Lucy._

* * *

 **A Tale from Thelua**

[19] _secret_

* * *

She had been staring, far into the distant horizon where the sky met the orange roof of the city houses, and it still felt like the time ticked slowly. Time was merciless to her today. It went like a blur this noon, but it refused to slide now. She stared at the reflection in the window as it grew more visible, as the sun disappeared, and the night took over. Her husband was sleeping soundly on the bed, facing her side with an arm stretched to take her portion of the bed in his grasp.

She had filled the empty space before, her back against his chest and his arms around her waist. But she woke up a couple of hours ago and she had been staring since then. Her mind had wandered to all things that happened this day. The jousting, the corolla, the dance offer, the overwhelming confusion.

She had convinced herself, that their reunion wouldn't affect her and that she should ignore the gnawing tug in her chest. Meeting Zeref was natural; he was the first prince, he was Natsu's elder brother. Whether he or she wanted it or not, their reunion was inevitable. It was just that both he and she had to act as if it was their first time meeting each other. It was the best for them.

What he had for her was an affection, and it had always been like that since the first time they meet in that forest on the border of Feliose and Thelua. What surprised her was the fact that it had stayed the same in him, even after the passing years.

She would be lying if she didn't have anything toward him. But she knew better than to dwell with it.

That time, the peace between Feliose and Thelua couldn't be guaranteed, after all.

Forgetting him was easy, yet it was harder to diminish the longing. Throwing away her feelings came next. Thus, when he stood in front of her, all memories of him she thought long gone managed to return and they filled her head.

 _No. It never happened._

That simple sentence was the only shield she had against the pouring memory, to withstand the mixed feelings, to cope. She had been repeating it over and over – the same mantra she chanted to herself for years until eventually she forgot them.

She could repeat it. She could bear with it for the second time. She had wished it would be the same as before; no one knew except him and her. Not even Wendy or her personal maid.

But Natsu knew.

Lucy walked to the bed and sat on the edge of the bed near Natsu's sleeping body. The man had been sleeping soundly and she wondered if he hadn't gotten any proper sleep lately. Her hand brushed the soft locks that fell to his sleeping eyes as he slept on his side. He stirred and turned to sleep on his back.

Natsu… it seemed like he could always find her, even after she thought there would be no one who could find her in the garden. At least none of the guest would come there and the maids rarely pass the corridor leading there. She thought it was the perfect place to be alone, to relax. But the more she tried to relax, the more she tried to forget what happened before she came there, the more it frustrated her. Before she knew it, her cheek was wet. Before she knew it, Natsu was there. Before she knew it, she was already engulfed in his embrace.

 _"Is it him? Brother?"_

He knew something. But she knew Natsu left the audience seat before the match between Zeref and the knight from Westwend. Thus, Natsu shouldn't have known about the blessing, the corolla, and the dance.

She didn't want him to know, but she knew better than hiding it from him.

Her hand brushed back the hair on his forehead and kissed him there. "Natsu, wake up."

Onyx eyes revealed, still filled with drowsiness, but he didn't look as tired as before. She smiled, retracting her hand, and greeted him, "Good morning."

"Lucy?" He pushed himself to sit, glancing to the window. "What time is it?"

"An hour before the party started," she stood, walking to the closet and opened it. "We should get ready."

There was a rustle and the sound of his footsteps. He was standing behind her, a hand on her shoulder, pulling it slightly. "You don't have to do it if you don't want to," he whispered.

"You knew," she said simply. Her hand stopped moving, resting on a dress with emerald color. "It's fine. I'll manage. Thank you, Natsu."

She felt his grip on her shoulder tightened, and she gasped when he suddenly pulled her, turning her over. "Lucy, brother is–"

"In love with me. I know," she cut him, giving him a small smile. "I know, Natsu. I'm aware of his affection. That's why I'm going to ignore it."

Lucy watched as his expression changed from surprise to worry. "He will not stay silent."

"But I have you."

His eyes widened.

"And I trust you," she continued. "Now, try not to lose to your brother, will you?"

"Lucy, I'm serious."

"Natsu, I'm trying." Her smile vanished. Her hand gripped the sides of her dress, crumpling it as she bit her lips. "Don't you trust me?"

It was harder than she thought. Convincing him that it was nothing to her was harder than she had imagined. He must be worried that it would create a disgrace and put a shame to the royal family, but Lucy knew better than making it true. And Zeref, as much as she didn't want to rely on him, she knew he wasn't unreasonable. He wouldn't dare creating more scene, especially after what he did this morning.

Natsu's grip on her shoulder weakened and there was a sigh from him. "Fine," he said finally.

She smiled. "Thank you, Natsu," Lucy said, kissing his cheek. "I promise I'll tell you after the party ends."

He took her hand, kissing it on the back, smiling a bit as he did so. "Of course."

The man grabbed his suit, pushing his fingers through his hair to remove his bed hair and left the room. Her three maids along with Wendy entered afterward. Looking from the way Wendy frowned, Lucy could guess that it had reached the young lady's ears. And not only Wendy, she thought as she noticed the tense expression on her maids.

She said nothing to the blue-haired girl as she sat on the edge of the bed. Lucy let Millie donned the silk dress of red in the favor of the knight's red characteristic. Aside the tense expression, they weren't as chipper as they usually did. It brought a gloomy atmosphere around them, and Lucy couldn't help but noticing that they were waiting for her to talk first.

"So," Lucy started as she sat before the mirror, watching Agne brushing her hair, "can I take it that you four ladies have already heard a certain rumor about me and the first prince?"

She felt the hand that brushed her hair stopped for a moment and saw the rest of the ladies flinched. Wendy's eyebrows knitted, and she puffed her cheek. "I don't understand," Wendy said, breaking the long silence.

"You don't have to, Wendy."

"No! I mean this is a very serious matter! How can you be so calm about it, sister?"

"It's just a rumor, Wendy, not a fact. I can easily ignore it. What makes it different from the one rumor about the prince of Pemberna?"

Wendy fell into a stagnant silence, fiddling with the hem of her dress as she thought over about it. "Well, yes, they don't have much difference, but I'm afraid that it will affect the other noble's view about you, sis."

"Their view wouldn't change drastically just because of this, and besides," Lucy's eyes met Wendy through the reflection on the mirror, "I have both you and Natsu."

"My lady…"

Lucy glanced at Millie, who stood next to her, carrying a tray filled with jewelry. "What is it, Millie?"

The grip on the tray tightened. "Pardon my forwardness, but… His Highness is… Prince Zeref is already betrothed."

Brown eyes blinked slowly. "Betrothed?"

 _To whom?_

"I've never heard anything about this," Wendy murmured, seemed to be surprised as well. "Is what you said true?"

There was an underlying demand of 'tell me everything you know' in Wendy's tone. The tray the maid held was trembling as she paled. "M-My lady–"

"Calm down, Millie," Lucy said. "You're going to drop the tray. Don't worry, even if it's just a rumor, I'd like to hear what you know about it."

The maid took a couple of deep breath, calming herself. The color of her face was returning. She said, "It is what I heard a few months ago from Lady Emma. She said that not only our second prince who is betrothed, but also our first prince."

"My nanny?" Wendy questioned, confusion clearly displayed on her face. "But she never told me anything about that even after I returned here!"

"Indeed, my lady, for it is supposed to be a secret," the maid said, placing the diadem on her head gently. "His Majesty only announced the betrothal of Prince Natsu to Princess Lucy as it is should be known for both Thelua and Feliose."

Lucy nodded, fully taking in the information into consideration. The King only announced their marriage, but not Zeref's. What suspicious was the fact that they made it unannounced. No one knew about it aside the royal family and the other family whose daughter got betrothed with Zeref.

 _Did Natsu know about this?_

As if on cue, the door was knocked as it opened and Natsu entered the room. He closed the door behind him and leaned into it, watching Lucy as she stood and Wendy standing next to her. His gaze fixed to her hidden feet. "You wear those shoes again," he remarked, smiling a little. "Shall we practice the dance before we go?"

Lucy laughed, remembering the same situation she had on the first day of their marriage celebration party. "I think I already get the hang of it."

Natsu extended his hand, offering it to her. "Shall we go, then?"

"Of course," she said, taking his hand and held it.

Before they left, Lucy spared a glance to the three maids hiding in the bathroom. As they noticed her leaving, they waved at her and she mouthed a 'thank you' to them accompanied with a smile. Wendy was walking on her left, taking her left hand while silently matching her pace.

When they arrived at the stairs that led to the hall, Lucy almost staggered as she saw the familiar figure who stood near it. He was there, and Lucy felt the squeeze Wendy gave to her hand. It was alright. Nothing was wrong with him standing there. Zeref was also the member of the royalty, she reminded herself. It wasn't strange for him to be there.

He had a small smile on his face, giving the serene air around him, one that he only capable showing when less people around. "Good evening, Natsu, Wendy," he greeted his siblings, paused, and then looked at her, "Lucy."

"Good evening, brother," Natsu greeted back first; not too soon or too late. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at the hall already?"

"I'm waiting for our sister," he replied, looking at Wendy, "to escort her."

Wendy blinked. "I-I'm honored, elder brother," she quickly responded properly. "It has been a while, why don't we dance?"

Unconsciously, Lucy gripped Natsu's hand tighter, anticipating the other man's reply. She managed to sigh inwardly when he affirmed Wendy's offer with a natural nod. The blue-haired young lady took Zeref's hand and they descended the stairs first, leaving Lucy and Natsu as they wait for them to reach the bottom.

There was a cheer coming from the guest. Lucy took the moment to whisper at Natsu. "Don't leave me alone with him."

"I won't. Why?"

She gave him a blank look.

"Just a hunch."


	20. Chapter 20

_We waited. My feet were reluctant to move, and I knew so did hers. We stood, arms linked, on the top of the stairs, hidden by the pillar. I knew she was anxious. Her hand was cold. But her smile stayed, and fire was burning in the depth of those eyes. It was something completely different from how it was that noon. There was no trace of tears. She had returned to the woman I knew._

 _"I wasn't even nervous on our marriage day," she whispered, "but now I do."_

 _I squeezed her hand._

 _"We will be fine."_

* * *

 **A Tale from Thelua**

[20] _heart to heart_

* * *

Lucy had her eyes set on the man in front of her. A set of onyx eyes stared back at her, and he mouthed "it's okay" at her. It was the fifth times this evening. Natsu had been telling her this since they descended to the hall, during the king's speech and queen's blessing to the knights, and even as they danced. Was she that easy to read?

"No, but I know how nervous you are," Natsu whispered as they moved to dance closer, walking in circles to the tempo of the music. Lucy paid more attention to her steps, being extra careful with her shoes more than the small smirk Natsu had on his face. "He won't do anything rash with most of the attention falls on him like this."

Lucy glanced past Natsu's shoulder, spotting the siblings of the royal family who was dancing a distance away from them. Wendy's small figure seemed to be overwhelmed by Zeref's height, but they danced nicely, nevertheless. The ladies on the sides were also watching the pair of siblings with such intensity and she remembered how they gasped in silence when Zeref stepped up to dance.

"I think I'm more worried about the ladies now," Lucy sighed. "They must be seeing this as a golden chance to introduce themselves, yet he would only dance with Wendy and me."

"I thought you already knew," Natsu said, then continued with a lower voice, "that he has already betrothed. Though, it's still unannounced."

When Lucy was going to ask who was the betrothed one, the music came to an end. Natsu bowed and mouthed "good luck" to her, in which she returned with a firm nod. To the sound of her name called, she turned and saw Wendy and Zeref walking toward her and Natsu. At that time, she knew he would come to her, but she certainly had no idea when he asked her to accompany him walking instead of dancing.

Of course, she couldn't deny it. If anything, she was a little bit relieved to be able to escape from the stares of the ladies. But it was short-lived when she realized that neither Wendy or Natsu could come along. It was implied, and even though Natsu clearly opposed the idea, he knew better than creating a fuss.

"Brother, where will you take Lucy?" He asked, instead. "I hope it has nothing to do with a closed space."

Zeref chuckled. "Fear not, little brother. We will just be walking around the garden because tonight, as you can see, is a full moon."

Natsu looked at Lucy and she gave him a small nod. "Alright. I will be waiting at the usual place, then."

Lucy knew what Natsu meant by it – his hiding place behind the tapestries. Natsu and Wendy walked away, and she let Zeref walked first before she followed him several steps behind him. They left through the door on the west side of the hall, meaning they weren't going to the garden with the wisteria flower, which was quite a relief to Lucy. She didn't really want to remember what happened this noon at that place.

Neither of them talked as they walked. The click and clack of her heels were the only sound that accompanied them through the empty corridor. From the window, she saw the full moon hanging in the sky, casting a dim light to the garden outside. Only when they exited the corridor and stepped into the garden that she realized that the scenery was almost similar to the one she had in her memory.

When Zeref stood facing the fountain, Lucy was reminded to the familiar sight yet on a different place. It was a small fountain of a park on the edge of Feliose's small town that bordered Thelua. Someone was standing there, head hung low with a wooden sword resting at his feet. When he picked up the wooden sword and started moving, she thought she saw him dancing. And without her realizing, she was watching him from behind a tree, silently wishing to see his face.

The wind brought her back to the present, to the man in front of her who watched her in silence. She wondered if he found the stolid indifference of her face interesting because even as she glanced away, she kept on getting the feeling of being stared at.

"If you are aware of the new rumor staring us, I think you have a bad taste of choosing a place to talk with me," Lucy said, breaking the silence between them.

"I can't treat it as a rumor," he replied.

Lucy's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?"

"Rumor is a mixture of the truth and untruth, after all," he explained. "To me, it's a fact."

A fact. The simple word sounded heavy to her. Lucy walked to the fountain and sat on its edge. Her eyes found the distorted reflection of the moon on the rippling water. "What you did today was unnecessary, Zeref."

She could almost hear him smiling as he spoke. "Maybe it's unnecessary to you, but to me, it's quite the opposite."

"Provoking Natsu is not a wise move, and I believe both the king and the queen would be opposed to the idea as well."

"I'm not provoking my brother, nor did I give the king and the queen any ideas. I was just trying to impress the woman I love." Lucy glanced at him as he knelt in front of her, took her hand and kissed her there. "Or am I wrong?"

If anything, Lucy was more bothered with how quick her heart was beating as his eyes met hers rather than the kiss. She would be lying if she wasn't feeling embarrassed, but she tried her best not to let it show. Yet she found herself wavering, swayed by the sudden burst of feeling that had been suppressed throughout the passing years. It felt warm, but heavy at the same time. As if there was something that jabbed her chest. The more she tried to discern it, the more she felt confused about it.

It felt true, yet wrong.

"I've been missing you," he whispered, pulling her close, "I've always been wanting to see you."

The last time she saw him was two or three years ago, in which she was appointed by her father the king as the delegate from Feliose to meet with the one's of Thelua. The last time she saw him was when he stood behind Thelua's king's advisor. The last time she talked with him was the night before the day of the conference. The last time she touched him was when he hugged her, when he whispered the promise to her ear.

"You broke the promise," Lucy found herself whispering, hand clenched at her sides.

There was something in his gentle eyes when she said that. "I did… And I've always regretted it."

"You never told me that you aren't an ordinary knight."

"I was going to tell you about it when we meet again the night after the conference."

Her eyes burned, voice rising, she pushed her confusion aside. What used to be a wall to suppress all about him broke. Everything was spilled – her thought, her feelings. "You didn't come. No matter how long I waited, you never come."

He fell into complete silence.

"You lied, Zeref," she said finally, sighing. "And after all of that, you are a fool for having that feeling unchanged."

She, too, was a fool herself.

 _Now I understand how hard it is for Natsu._

His hold on her shoulder was released. Zeref took a step back before sighing. "Is it because my brother who will be the next king that you choose him?"

His usual warmth was gone for a moment. Lucy glanced up at him, noticing how the obsidian eyes could be so cold. There was no trace of smile that once there, nor the hopeful light in his eyes. He turned into someone she didn't recognize. It almost scared her.

"No," she denied. "It's because that's how the agreement between Thelua and Feliose is. If it's said that I were to marry you, then I will. It has nothing to do with Natsu being the next king or you are being the flower knight. I only think about the best outcome for the people, both in Thelua and Feliose."

When he said nothing, she took his hand and held it, smiling a little. "I am simply fulfilling my duty as a princess. My personal feeling has nothing to do with it. If it's my heart that you seek from me, then I can't and will never be able to give it to you. I have decided that I will only give it to my husband."

Lucy released his hand and walked past him. "We have been absent longer than I expected. I will take my leave first," she said. "Good evening, Your Highness."

When Lucy was back to the hall, carefully avoiding the guest and reached Natsu's hiding place, only then she realized how the nail that was digging into the skin on her palm caused a small wound. And only when Natsu's arms warped around her that she let out the tears she didn't know she had been holding.

Around that time, Lucy wasn't sure if she should be feeling thankful or guilty. But the hand that ran across her back comforted her. At last, Natsu asked, "What were you two doing?"

"Talking," she managed to reply clearly despite the sobs. "Explaining things."

There was uncertainty in his voice. "Is it settled?"

Lucy clenched his suit. "I don't know."

"It's okay," Natsu whispered.

She nodded.

"It's okay."

* * *

 _i'm sorry for the delay. the past month has been really hard for me. thank you for reading :)_


	21. Chapter 21

_I didn't mean to lie. I could never tell you another lie. When I spoke of it, I intended on making it as a promise. I intended on fulfilling it._

 _Yet Makarov knew it. He always knew. And he was the reason why I couldn't fulfil my promise; to go to you and tell you the truth._

 _In the end, I never did once decide anything by myself._

* * *

 **A Tale from Thelua**

[21] _faltering_

* * *

Lucy could hardly recall anything in the party. All she remembered was dancing with Natsu and did some talk with Zeref. And cry. She cried. Again. For the second times that day.

It was embarrassing and pathetic when she thought about it. Then again, she also thought that she deserved a good cry for whatever that made her chest swell with feelings and confusion. It was a lie when she told herself 'fine'. But she kept on repeating it. Like a mantra.

 _It's okay, it's okay_.

She sat in front of the mirror. Her reflection stared back at her. A woman with long blonde hair, rosy lips, and a tired face was staring back at her. Her mouth was shut, lips formed a thin line. She should be getting help from her three maids to remove the rest of the makeup. But she had dismissed them right after she bathed and helped her change into her white sleeping gown.

It felt like a stranger; her reflection. Hollow. The eyes that stared back at her felt empty. It was as if she was staring back at her own shell. Her soul was gone somewhere. Or maybe she was just feeling too tired. She was tired, she decided. Yet her mind refused to stop. Deep and calm baritone voice echoed inside her head. The image if a pair of dark onyx eyes stared at her almost piercingly.

 _"_ _I was just trying to impress the woman I love."_

Melancholy words never suited with what he showed on the outside – cold, detached – but it strangely made her chest swell. Maybe it was because she was the only one of the few who _really_ knew how and who he was. Maybe it was because of the remnants of the feelings she had for him. A feeling that she had long forgotten along with his existence. A feeling that she had shoved deep into one of the corners somewhere inside her and shut it tight. A forgotten feeling that managed to make her move forward.

Move. And forward.

 _Of all the time, why does it have to be now that I remember it?_

She felt like she was back at that time. Back to the time where she felt like half of her was stuck in the past that wanted to dwell on the pleasant feeling when she was with him.

 _I loved him. I loved him._

She loved him. She always loved him. _Could it be… it was what drove me to come here? To Thelua?_

But it shouldn't matter anymore. It shouldn't. Just like how she told him; she only thought about the best outcome for the people in Thelua and Feliose. Back then, when she spoke of it, it felt like the truth. And that her feeling in the past didn't matter anymore.

Yet now it felt like she was lying to herself. Her chest felt tight.

 _It hurts._

The door was opened, revealing Natsu still in his suit. He stepped in wordlessly and made his way to the bed, lying on it and sighed tiredly. Lucy stared at him through the reflection of the mirror, watching as his onyx eyes disappeared behind the lids. Another sigh escaped his mouth and Lucy felt the tension in her started to disappear. She smiled, then.

"You should sleep, Natsu," Lucy spoke, grabbing the cloth dipped in the tin bowl filled with lukewarm water and wrung it. The damp cotton cloth that she pressed to her cheek created a pleasant feeling to her tired face and the subtle smell of lavender released any tension left in her.

The man didn't move as he replied, "I'm waiting."

Lucy raised an eyebrow. "For what?"

"For you."

She understood what he meant. He was waiting for her to finish cleaning her face. "You should change into something more comfortable for sleeping," she said. "I will be finished by then."

He didn't reply, but she knew he agreed. Through the mirror, she saw him walking behind the folding screen. There was a soft rustle sound came from behind the folding screen and then, Lucy returned to watch her reflection.

Gone was the rosy lips and rosy cheek. The woman in the mirror didn't differ much from before she wiped her cheek and lips. A beautiful woman, one might say. A miserable woman, she would say. The word brought a thin smile to her lips because it fitted just right for her situation right now.

She put back the cloth inside the tin bowl and walked to the window. She could see the dim light of the carriage of the guests that had left the castle, past the castle gate and into the dark road in between the dark grass plain. The party had ended a while ago, but she didn't get the chance to see the guest off. Natsu had urged her to return first to their room, and she complied.

The full moon stared at her coldly in the sky. Almost immediately, she was reminded again to her encounter with Zeref this evening. Something caught her, and that was the question whether anyone saw her and Zeref slipped away from the party. If there was indeed someone who saw them, then it could become yet another nasty rumor, one that she preferred having the prince of Pemberna's rumor arose once again rather than _that_. It was enough for her to have such a rumor about the first prince of Thelua being in love with his brother's wife. She didn't need another rumor about him.

"If you are wondering if anyone see you and brother slip away from the party, then you can be at ease as everyone's attention was caught by the song sung by the bard," Natsu said as he walked toward the bed. "Don't want my wife stressing over another potential rumor, do I?"

She turned to him, smiling. "How considerate of you."

"Of course," he said, not impressed.

"And I do wonder what kind of excuse that you told our guest regarding me returning first to our bed-chamber."

"Well," he lied to the bed, staring at the ceiling, "maybe you can expect congratulatory cards by tomorrow."

Her eyes widened. "You didn't–"

"I did."

"I think I'm having headache now." Lucy sat on the side of the bed, her back facing him.

Natsu closed his eyes. "Telling them that you are under the weather was the most reasonable excuse I can make. It's them whose mind just wanders around and reached to that conclusion."

"But you can't just let them assume things as they please!" She sighed in exasperation. "I am not pregnant, Natsu, and both of us know that we haven't even–"

"Then, should we make one now?"

Lucy turned her head abruptly to him, meeting his serious gaze as he propped a hand and rested his head on it. There was no hint of humor when he talked nor the smirk that he always wore when he teased her. Real. He was asking her for real.

"Why?" she asked.

He didn't answer.

"Is it because of the rumor?" she asked once again. "Because of Zeref?"

"Would you believe me if I say that it's because I have fallen for you?" he asked instead.

Silence met his question.

 _Fallen for me?_

"Would you believe me if I say that I love you?" he asked again.

Lucy averted her eyes. She moved to lie on the bed in silence, turning to her side. Her lips were pressed into a thin line as she didn't know how to answer him. She closed her eyes, letting the question slide, letting her mind wander somewhere past her talk with Zeref, past the question Natsu asked.

Love was an abstract thing. Love was what every woman wanted. Love was… what she yearned for. For years.

There was a rustle, a sense of blanket draped over her, soft lips pressing against her temple, a soft whisper of good night, and a pressure over her waist that was Natsu's arm. A familiar warmth and the slight scent of cinnamon washed over her. She was searching for the familiar rhythm of a beating heart, and when she found his, another question arose in her sleep.

Whose love?

* * *

 _happy new year! hope you have a good 2018 and amazing 2019!_


	22. Chapter 22

_For years, I had been looking up to him. He was perfect. From manner to swordplay. From leading the conversation to making decision. I had always thought that it would be him who would fill the throne. I had always thought that it would be me who served the kingdom in the knighthood._

 _Maybe that was why I could dream of marrying her. Lisanna._

 _Yet I was wrong._

* * *

 **A Tale from Thelua**

[22] _pain_

* * *

He woke up to the color of golden that was his wife's hair, nose buried in the crown of her head, and a hand around her waist, keeping her close to him. He always woke up long before she did, with an excuse of going to start tackling the paperwork early in the morning. Of course, the actual reason was to gaze at her sleeping face. Serene and innocent look adorned her sleeping face, often differ from how she made herself look like during her wake.

But it wasn't what made him like her. He wasn't even sure what did. It was barely three months since they got married and lived together. He didn't always with her, and their interaction was limited to the unexpected encounter during the day, usually it was she who found him during her exploration around the castle, before they sleep, and when they really need to interact during the party.

Yet lately, he sought her out. Lately, there had been something in him that urged him to go and see her, to talk to her, to make her smile.

And to shield her from any worries and sadness.

The image of her crying appeared in his mind, the one in his hideout after she talked with his brother. Gone was the woman whose determination set; _"that's why I'm going to ignore it."_. In front of him, she faltered, as if something inside her was broken. In front of him, the unwavering, strong-willed woman was gone.

Part of him wanted to ask almost immediately as soon as she came to him, but once she cried, he knew he had to wait until she was calm. Asking her after the party was the best choice he had, but even he wasn't sure if it wouldn't hurt her even more. That was why he sent her to return first to their room – to calm her down. Crowded place would do nothing to her state and they could be called to attend the guest anytime.

Once he returned to their room, he failed to ask her. Maybe he was too tired last night that he forgot to ask her about it. Then again, judging from how unusual she was, it might be the best that he didn't ask. He thought he could cheer her, yet even in his attempt of doing so, it turned out to be a serious talk.

 _"_ _Why?"_

She asked, and even if he could ignore it, he still caught the question biting him, thick in suspicion.

 _Because I love you._

And he said it.

 _"_ _Would you believe me if I say that it's because I have fallen for you?"_

That sentence was heavy. Yet somehow it rolled out quite easily. Speaking of the truth had always been easier than lying.

 _Lucy, Lucy…_

The woman stirred, snuggling deeper into the pillow. Few strands fell into her face, tickling her cheek and lips. Rosy cheek and rosy lips. Eyes of the melted chocolate, skin as flawless as the cloud. Golden hair that reflected the sun. A smile like a blooming flower.

 _"_ _Would you believe me if I say that I love you?"_

He sighed. A long, quiet sigh.

 _You didn't answer me._

Sometimes he wondered if what he felt was real. If anything, what he felt toward her now was different from how he used to feel toward Lisanna. Shallow, impulsive, light. Compared to that, this was heavier, and although they were married already, it felt even more complicated.

Perhaps it caused by how she carried herself around him. She hardly expressed her feelings; the one she had for him. There was no hate in her, but there hardly love either. Even if she regarded their marriage as a good fortune, even if she had vowed to be faithful only to him, wouldn't it only become a torture?

Natsu slid off the bed, carefully, quietly, and walked out of their room. His feet brought him to his study, and he eyed the piling documents on his desk with disdain. It was still early in the morning, he thought, and decided that he better go and train his swordsmanship and broke a good sweat to clear his head first. It had been a while since he last wore the mesh shirt and the brown boots. He guessed that he would have to re-adjust his grip on his wooden sword as he held pen more often than a weapon lately.

There were hardly people when he reached the training field. He thought he could surprise the other with his visit and earned himself a good spar, but it seemed that they had chosen to sleep in some more. He made a reminder to give them a piece of his mind later that day, and perhaps, getting more chance to escape the piling documents for a longer time.

"My lord," someone called, just when he thought that he had the entire field for himself, "fancy seeing you here around this time."

Natsu laughed. "No need for such a sarcastic remark there, Gray."

His private knight sighed. "I have placed a new document on your desk just now, my lord, and God knows it will reach the ceiling by the end of this day."

"Now, now," Natsu threw a wooden sword at him, which he caught it with ease, "I will do those papers if you can win against me."

The knight smirked. "And grant me a day off."

"Only if you can win. Remember it, Gray."

"Of course, my lord."

And as soon as the words came out of him, the knight charged at Natsu, aiming to his open sides. Gray was one of the best knights, one of the reasons why he was chosen as his private knight as well, perhaps ranked third after the first prince and the captain of the knight. He was the son of the captain, and almost inherited the position if he wasn't chosen as private knight. The captain, while being at the age already, refused to retire as he preferred to teach the recruit rather than doing nothing in his retirement.

Sometimes he acted as Natsu's right hand. Sometimes he didn't treat Natsu like he was his superior, probably because he was older than the prince, but Natsu was fine with it. After all, Gray was one of the few friends he had and the only one who could beat some sense into him.

"You should do something about the mistress," Gray said suddenly as he swung the sword. "The rumor about them doesn't seem to be going away anytime soon."

"You knew," Natsu replied, blocking his attack. Gray shot him a look that said, 'everyone knows already'. "Though I'm afraid there is nothing much I can do about it," he continued.

The next blow that he was forced to block was heavier than before. There was a glare coming from Gray and Natsu leaped back to distance himself. "Nothing? Really, Natsu?"

Natsu wiped a sweat from his forehead, watching as the other man's frown deepened. The knight clicked his tongue in distress and charged at him once again.

Dust was kicked into the air and Natsu held his ground while defending himself from another heavy blow. It was a miracle that the wooden sword didn't break from their blow exchange. The sound echoed in the empty field, competing with the sound of the spectator that suddenly present.

Natsu glanced around, momentarily forgetting the spar he had with Gray as his eyes spotted a particular person among the crowd of the cheering knights. It earned himself a good hit on his arm, but before he registered the pain it caused, he had moved on pure reflect, swinging his blade aimed to Gray's side and knocked him with a swift, hard blow. It had Gray stumbled to the side, wooden sword fell out of his grip and the tip of Natsu's wooden sword came to a contact with Gray's neck.

There was a moment of silence before the crowd erupted a loud cheer and clapped. Beneath him, the knight was smirking.

"Did that one got you awaken, eh, my lord?"

"It's my win," Natsu said instead. "The papers have to wait, it seems."

He quickly glanced to the spot where he saw him earlier. The man was gone. Natsu threw the sword to the nearest knight and quickly left the training field, guessing where he had gone to. That man wasn't the type who will train so often with the other knight, so Natsu had to guess some places that he often used for training. He wouldn't be in the private training field as his troops would be taking that place to train.

Yet he was unable to find him anywhere. The man couldn't have gone, disappeared into the thin air. But it was always been like that. He always turned in some place he would least expect him to be when he knew that Natsu was looking for him. Like a game of hide and seek, yet he was waiting to be discovered. Perhaps, he bitterly thought, again, he knew that he was looking for him and decided to wait for him somewhere.

Somewhere Natsu would least expect him to be. Somewhere that Natsu thought he would never come even for visiting him. From the garden, Natsu's eyes swept to the windows located in one of a room in the castle's second floor.

His study.

The man was inspecting his desk when he opened the door and giving Natsu a smile upon noticing him. "Took you long enough, little brother," he said, putting one of the papers back to the desk. "You haven't changed."

"Brother," Natsu greeted, walking to the desk as Zeref sat on the sofa near the bookshelf. "I thought you didn't have time to play as you prefer to train with the other."

 _You always did…_

The man laughed. "I send them all home to rest. After all, it's not all about fighting and training, is it?" He said. "They also need to meet their loved ones."

Natsu sat behind the desk, finger interlaced on his lap. "You too, brother, and apparently, you've met yours."

There was a long silence that followed Natsu's statement. He studied the man which was his own brother whose smile disappeared. Suspicion and the detachment returned, completely masking his once gentle face, yet there was something, something that was different in his eyes. Somewhere, there lacked the cold compassion that always guarded him together with his impassiveness.

Natsu felt like staring at himself when he locked eyes with his – those dark onyx irises reflected him, yet it felt like he wasn't staring at him. He was staring past him, meeting the gaze of someone else. He could guess whose gaze that his brother was looking at, whose gaze that his brother was searching in his eyes. But Natsu refused to spell it because he knew _who_.

And then, without so much as moving, it broke. The mask slid away and once again, Zeref smiled. A genuine smile. A smile from his heart. Yet, along with closing his eyes, the voice, the sigh that came out from his mouth was accompanied with something so deep. Something that Natsu thought he would incapable of feeling.

Pain.

"I did."


End file.
